The Death of Reason III: Birth of Clarity
by Pulchrite
Summary: Six months after his life is spared, Yoh searches for a purpose. The overall path he leads affects all around him, developing uncharted waters of lucidity. But despite the changes, he learns one thing in his life remains the same. T: violence
1. Loss for Gain

**Loss for Gain**

The moonlight illuminated the house with an eerie glow, casting weak shadows along the wood hallway floor with each of his steps. His loose garment swallowed the air behind him as the fabric delicately pulled at his torso. As he slowed his pace the small tray he held in his hands shook slightly, sending ripples through the liquid filled cups that adorned it. He reached the bedroom quickly despite his change in speed, and the door was already open.

"Anna," he said softly, "I brought you some tea."

She was sitting upright in the bed with a few pillows supporting her back, and her body was covered with a blanket from the waist down. The gown was over sized and slid off of one of her shoulders, but she didn't appear to notice and stared blankly at her legs. Her silence was deafening, and she didn't look at him when he placed the tray on a nearby table and sat beside her in a chair.

"Anna," he started again.

"I don't want any tea, Hao," she interrupted finally as she closed her eyes.

"You can't keep doing this," he sighed as he held her hand.

"Don't touch me," she mumbled but he ignored her.

"You can't shut down," he continued, "You have to grieve."

She opened her eyes but didn't speak so he finished his thoughts.

"You should be angry. You should be sad. It's okay to cry if you need to. But, this is not the way to deal with it."

"I want you to leave me alone," she said sharply, "You're the problem."

"I wonder how that's fair?" He replied in an irritated tone.

"You're always the problem," she growled, "You want me to feel things I don't feel. You want me to talk to you when I don't want to. You attacked him, not me. I pleaded with you not to, but you did it anyway as if my feelings don't matter to you."

"I understand," he sighed.

"You don't care how I feel about anything!" She screamed at him suddenly, "You only care about yourself, Hao! If it weren't for you, none of this would have happened!"

"So, you think this is my fault?" He asked with concern.

Anna stared at him briefly as her eyes began to fill with tears and sighed.

"I'm willing to accept the blame," he said softly, "Keep talking."

"I don't want to," she whimpered, "I'm tired."

"This is the most you've said about it since that day," he replied, "You should continue."

"It's not your fault," she sighed suddenly, "That wasn't fair."

"Don't go back on it if you meant it," he said.

She squeezed his hand and he climbed into the bed with her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. As he ran his fingers through her hair, she rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes. The tears overwhelmed her suddenly and she began crying uncontrollably, clutching his robe and burying her face in the fabric. He held her tighter and rubbed her back slowly with his hand.

"I feel lost," she said in a frustrated tone, "I don't know what to do."

"Just let me hold you for now," Hao whispered softly, "And, we'll figure out the rest."

* * *

Tamao stared at the ceiling with an uneasiness as she pulled the blanket over her chest. She preferred sleeping in her own bed, but was pleased with the company. She became increasingly uncomfortable with the fabric of her pajama pants rolling up her leg, and she tried pushing one side down with her foot to no avail. Her t shirt was now too bulky and was also pining her limbs to the mattress. She grumbled something inaudible under her breath but her thoughts were quickly interrupted.

"What were you going to tell me earlier?" He asked suddenly.

His voice startled her briefly, but she quickly calmed herself and sighed. Yoh had been lying next to her for an hour wide awake. They didn't say a word until he broke the silence with this question, and for a moment she forgot she was in his bedroom.

"Uh, yeah," she paused hesitantly and bit her bottom lip. Tamao wondered if telling him anything about the situation was necessary. She didn't want to make him sad, but felt obligated to give him facts.

Yoh sat up suddenly and stared at her. His hair hid most of his face, so she was unsure of his mood.

"I ran into Hao at the market a few weeks ago," she said quickly.

"Hmm," he seemed uninterested in the news but continued to listen.

"I wasn't going to tell you but," she hesitated, "I think you should know."

"Know what?" He frowned.

"Anna had a miscarriage."

Tamao sat upright in the bed but waited several moments before looking at him. She bit her bottom lip and held her breath, waiting for a response. Yoh stared into his lap in silence. He didn't move at first, but just as she released a nervous sigh he tightened his hands into fists.

"How is she?" He asked weakly.

"She's very sad," Tamao said softly, "He says she won't talk to him and doesn't leave the house."

Yoh jumped out of bed suddenly but quickly returned to his seat and exhaled. He turned his head away from her so she couldn't see his expression, and replied, "That's terrible."

"Are you okay, Yoh?" She asked timidly.

"Yeah," he said quickly. As he turned to smile at her, she noticed the redness in his face and watery eyes, "What was the other thing?"

"Do you want to talk about it?" She replied sheepishly.

"No."

"Okay, um," she nervously removed an envelope from the table beside the bed and handed it to him, "This came in the mail last week. It's from your grandparents."

"What is it?"

"I don't know," she sighed, "I figured you would want to open it."

Yoh handled the envelope carefully in his hands and opened it slowly. There was a letter inside and he unfolded it quickly, skimming over the contents. After his examination was complete, he handed the letter to her without commenting.

"What does it say?" She asked.

"You should read it," he replied blankly.

She read over the letter slowly and dropped it into her lap. Yoh didn't react to her gesture and stared at the wall ahead.

"What does this mean?" She whispered, although the answer to her question was evident.

"It means we have three weeks," he replied calmly, "Well, I guess two now."

Tamao stared at the letter wide eyed as her hands began to tremble, "Two weeks?"

Yoh placed his arm over her shoulders and pulled her closer, "It'll work out. I promise."

"No, I mean," she hesitated, "I wasn't expecting this so soon. This doesn't feel strange to you?"

"Not really," he smiled, "I'm marrying a beautiful woman in two weeks. It helps that she's my best friend."

"I'm serious, Yoh," she sighed.

"So am I."

She rested her head on his shoulder and folded the letter in her hands. He kissed her crown gently and ran his fingers down the length of her arm.

"You're thinking about this too much, Tamao," he said warmly, "We'll be okay."

"But, they don't know what happened," she pleaded, "They don't know what's going on."

"And, I don't plan on telling them," he interrupted, "I don't want anyone to know about it."

"Yoh, you can't keep this a secret," she sighed, "Everyone in the house will notice."

"They haven't noticed yet," he rebutted, "And, it's probably temporary anyway."

"But," she bit her bottom lip and folded her arms tightly over her stomach, "It's completely gone."

"I know."

"All of it."

"I know," he repeated.

"You can't do anything."

"I know, Tamao."

"You can't even see the spirits anymore."

"Tamao," he sighed, "I'm aware of the issue. I know it's serious, and that's why I don't want anyone else to know about it."

"But, if they knew about it," she paused, "Things would be different."

"There's no need to make anyone worry," he sighed, "We're getting married. Let's focus on that."

She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. He held her tighter and closed his eyes.

"Let me worry about this," he whispered, "You worry about being a beautiful bride."

"Okay," she replied softly.


	2. Escaping the Pain

**Escaping the Pain**

He left the house in a daze, wandering aimlessly along the dirt path until towering trees swallowed his body into the woods. The wind was steady and blew random leaves through the air as he traveled, and a few of the loose ones tickled his arms as they passed him on the way. There was no specific destination in mind, but he knew he had to free himself from the wooden edifice that had become his prison. Thoughts were mostly incoherent, vacillating in and out of focus like a faulty film reel, and he suddenly wondered if he was nearing some kind of breakdown.

A large section of brown rope hit him in the face suddenly and startled him. His pace stopped abruptly and he stared at a nearby tree as the uneasiness settled into his body. As he squinted his eyes he realized the culprit was his hair, but this discovery made the breakdown more plausible. When he blinked his eyes the tree he was staring at came back into focus, and he watched as the loose leaves danced in random patterns at the base of it. Why were they there in the first place? Leaves don't dance, do they? Where they trying to send him some kind of message?

"Stop it, Yoh," he whispered abruptly as he briefly closed his eyes.

_That's right, Yoh. Leaves don't dance, and you sound crazy._

"Shut up," he groaned as he continued his walk.

A cool sensation overwhelmed him suddenly as the wind changed its pattern and pace. He was certain there would be no rain, but now he began to second guess this affirmation. A small clearing approached and he stopped walking to stare at the grass. As the wind fluttered through the blades he sat at the base of a large tree and folded his legs beneath him. He needed to clear his head somehow, but for some reason he couldn't remember how to perform this task.

_That's because you're a nut case._

"I'm not crazy," he sighed, "Leave me alone."

_Yes you are, and everyone knows it. Why do you think no one talks to you? Tamao's the only one because she has to marry you. Pirika locks her bedroom door every night, Ren pretends he doesn't see you, and Horo speaks to you only long enough to stop you from following him. Accept it and you can move on._

Yoh stared at the peaceful swaying of the grass and exhaled deeply. He needed to find his purpose again, but his thoughts clouded his judgment for so long he couldn't seem to force his brain into submission. As he closed his eyes, he clenched his teeth and clutched his knees with his hands. The frustration seemed permanent, and he desperately wanted to feel better.

_You're thinking about her again._

"No, I'm not," he whispered.

_Anna's not coming back. Why can't you let it go? That's why you're driving yourself crazy. You know that, right? She made her choice, and you need to move on._

He opened his eyes and stared at the grass again with a fatigued expression.

_And what happened to all that crap you told Tamao? You say you want to be a good husband and make it work? She doesn't want a psycho for a husband, Yoh._

"Shut up," he pleaded as he held his hands over his ears.

_I'm surprised she's still marrying you after all the crap you put her through. You think she hasn't thought about you being angry? You think she's not afraid of you snapping? _

"I'm fine," he growled.

_Really? Don't lie to yourself, Yoh. You're afraid too. Admit it. That's why you started this new reflection story. You keep telling everyone things are different. You keep telling Tamao things are different. You're going to keep saying that until you believe it. You're not fooling anybody, Yoh. You're not fooling me._

"SHUT UP!!" He screamed.

"Yoh?"

Her frail voice startled him, and he trembled as he opened his eyes. Tamao was standing a few feet in front of him and although her tone was littered with worry, her expression revealed her fear.

"Who are you talking to?" She asked timidly.

Yoh scanned the surrounding trees slowly and then dropped his head and stared into his lap. He hadn't made a habit of talking to himself until recently, and sometimes the conversations were deeply unsettling. But now he was frustrated because he knew the behavior appeared unstable, especially to Tamao. He didn't want to look at her, knowing she would have to pretend to be unaffected by his outburst, and he dropped his hands loosely in his lap.

Tamao sat beside him in the same position and stared at her legs. She waited several moments before gently resting her head on his shoulder, and he didn't resist her.

"I'm fine," he said weakly.

"No you're not," she replied softly, "But , we'll get there."

They sat in silence staring at the grass, and Yoh exhaled heavily and closed his eyes.

"Do you need to go back to the house?" Tamao asked worriedly.

"No," he sighed, "This is fine."

She wanted to respond but he continued.

"I'll meet you back there."

Tamao assumed this was an invitation for her to leave, and realized he didn't want her there. She smiled weakly and was grateful he was polite with this revelation.

"Okay," she said softly as she kissed him on the cheek, "Don't stay out here too long."

"I won't."

* * *

_What am I going to wear? This dress is absolutely hideous! But, I guess it can't be as bad as that green one I got from Mother. That was awful..._

_ I hate you. I hate you so much. Why won't you just die already?_

_I wonder if they'll notice me here if I turn to the right. Crap, she saw me..._

_Why won't he notice me? Why can't he see she doesn't love him? I love him so much! Oh, if only I could just-_

_ Anna's not coming back, you idiot. I know you're smarter than this._

_There's something wrong with Ren. I know it. I know it's something. But, why won't he tell me?_

_He's losing it. What am I going to do?_

She curled into a tight ball on the floor and buried her face into the pillow she had been clutching with her hands. Blond locks were sprawled over the floor in chaotic patterns and her beige dress was pinned beneath her hip. Her body trembled involuntarily, and she clenched her teeth from the unbearable noise.

"You can't control it now because you're stressed," He said calmly.

She sat upright quickly when she heard his voice, and her hair fell limply into her face, "I know that, Hao."

"We can do something about it," he sighed, "But, you won't like it."

"I'm going for a walk," she said abruptly as she rose to her feet and threw the pillow onto the bed.

"I'll go with you," he replied.

"I want to be alone," she said blankly.

He didn't reply and allowed her to leave without restraint.

The sunlight startled her when she stepped outside, and she hesitated a few moments as her eyes adjusted to the new light. Trees swayed in front of her with the cool breeze, and she exhaled before stepping onto the dirt path. She had no idea where she wanted to go or even if she wanted to be out there in the first place; but the thoughts were unbearable to her now and she needed some peace.

Regret lingered in the back of her mind the farther she traveled away from the house. Hao had been very kind to her, which caught her deeply off guard, but she couldn't stop herself from lashing out at every possible opportunity. Anna knew he wasn't the reason she was sad. She knew none of her anger and frustration was his fault. She was beginning to wonder why he was putting up with her in the first place.

_I just need some time. I can do this. I'm okay._

Anna didn't want to concentrate much on the random thoughts that were disturbing her mind, but for some reason she couldn't shake the male voice. Her pace increased, and the leaves fluttered around her feet like butterflies as she approached a clearing.

_Anna?_

She increased her pace to a jog, hoping to ignore the noise.

_Anna._

But, the closer she came to the clearing, the louder it became. She covered her ears and frowned.

_Anna!_

"Stop it!" She yelled as she fell to her knees. Her hands were still clutched over her ears and she closed her eyes from the painful sound.

"Anna?"

She didn't realize she wasn't alone until she heard his gentile voice. As she dropped her hands abruptly into her lap and opened her eyes, she was able to see him sitting against the base of a tree. He stood slowly and took a few steps toward her, and she rose to her feet quickly and briefly held her breath.

"Yoh," she replied weakly.


	3. Shedding the Past

**Shedding the Past**

The wind accompanied the distant sounds of birds and small insects and slowed in pace as he took a few extra steps forward. Most of the disturbing thoughts that were disrupting his quest for peace seemed to disappear, and he felt suddenly calm. He took a few moments to stare at her, mostly because he had no motivation to do anything else, and she seemed to share his delayed reaction. As he exhaled softly, pounding in his chest became more noticeable and heightened the rest of his senses in an unusual way.

Silence seemed normal to them somehow. Neither appeared uncomfortable that there was no speaking; they only stared at each other as if this were a natural occurrence. She watched as the wind rippled through his hair gently and was trapped momentarily underneath his t shirt. That white t shirt captured her attention for a moment, and her gaze lingered upon it as if she had never seen it before. Why was he always wearing the same outfit every day? White t shirt with brown linen pants. White t shirt with brown linen pants. It was as if he had no other clothes. She smiled lightly from the random thoughts.

Her smile. It had been so long since he saw the curving of her lips he couldn't help but stare at them. She was so beautiful when she smiled, but she was striking even when angry. He could always tell when her smiles were genuine as well because her eyes would glisten, and she would crinkle her nose slightly. When she was just being polite her lips would slant outward briefly, and the rest of her face would remain unchanged. She was definitely amused by something. This smile was genuine.

The uneasiness returned almost as quickly as it dissipated. He missed her smile so much, despite the fact she rarely displayed it. His eyes traveled to her hair slowly. The soft locks glowed brilliantly from the vivid sunlight and danced delicately around her shoulders with the wind. It was beautiful as always, and he wanted to touch it. That beige linen dress captured his attention next. He always hated that dress, but not because it looked awful on her. There was nothing she could wear that would accomplish that task. She began wearing it when she disappeared from the house for hours at a time, and wore it the day she left. As he lowered his head quickly and stared at the grass below, her smile faded.

"How are you?" She decided to speak, although she had nothing simple she wanted to say.

"I'm fine," he replied weakly. She could always tell when he was lying, and he didn't try to conceal his deceit.

"That's good to hear," she knew he wasn't fine, but decided to accept his answer.

The silence resurfaced quickly, and he closed his eyes briefly before he continued.

"I heard about the baby," he said gravely as he hesitated to finish his thought, "I'm sorry."

Her eyes filled with bitter tears rapidly as if he activated some trigger. He was suddenly ashamed of bringing up the subject so quickly, but he only wanted to say what was on his mind.

"Thank you for your sympathy," she replied sadly.

Renewed silence blanketed their conversation with a sudden discomfort. Yoh wanted to say more to her but couldn't figure out the right thing. Anna didn't want to say anything else, but had no intention of walking away.

"I didn't get the chance to thank you for saving my life," he blurted, "I'm grateful."

"It was necessary," she replied calmly.

He took a few more steps until he was close enough to touch her and sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing to me?" She asked with a frown.

"This is all my fault," he answered weakly, "I put you through so much. I put everyone through so much. I ruined everything."

Anna stared at him in partial shock, but he didn't seem to notice.

"If I hadn't been so resentful and angry, none of this would have happened. You would still have your baby. You wouldn't be so sad. Things wouldn't be so messed up."

"This isn't your fault," she was barely able to say the words, and briefly closed her eyes to block the tears from escaping them.

"I love you," he sighed, "And, a part of loving someone is having the strength to let them go. I should have wanted you to be happy no matter where you wanted to be. I was selfish."

Yoh paused for an uncomfortable length of time. Anna opened her eyes and allowed the tears to roll down her cheeks, convinced she wouldn't have been able to stop them anyway.

"I want you to be happy," he resumed, "Even if being happy means being with Hao. It breaks my heart-"

He hesitated as a strange taste of metal overwhelmed his mouth and his senses were flooded with an overpowering emotion. Anna redirected her gaze at a nearby tree, finding his display unbearable to watch.

"But, I love you enough to accept it," he continued, "I've accepted it."

"Thank you for your kindness," she struggled to say.

"I'm moving on with my life," he sighed, "I have to. So, don't worry about me."

"What will you do?" She whimpered unintentionally.

"Tamao and I are getting married soon," he replied.

"Married?"

"Yeah. She'll be a good wife, and I hope to be a good husband. We want to make this work, and I think it will."

He continued his thoughts despite the fact her face was bright red as she tried to repel the breakdown that was nearing.

"I know I can make her happy if I really try. We'll have a family and grow old, and everything will be okay. As long as we try."

"Congratulations," Anna strained, "I hope she makes you happy."

"Thanks," he replied with a smile.

He scratched his head and paused before speaking again, "I should probably head back. I don't want her to worry about me, you know?"

"Yeah," she whispered.

"It was so good to see you, Anna," he said as his voice revealed a deep longing.

"It was great to see you too," she replied sadly.

As he turned to walk away she took a few steps forward and waved her hand.

"Yoh?"

"Yeah?" He replied and quickly turned around.

"It was a girl," she said sadly, "You would have been a great father."

He was visibly startled by her statement but took a few steps closer and held her hand.

"Thank you," he said warmly.

She gazed into his eyes in silence and clutched his hand as if she didn't want to let him go. He pulled away from her grasp gently but wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed her on the cheek. She closed her eyes as she felt the warmth of his lips, and the sadness returned when he released her.

"Good bye, Anna," he said weakly.

"Good bye, Yoh," she replied.


	4. Cause for Pause

**Cause for Pause**

Tamao was lying on top of her bed staring at the ceiling with her arms folded over her torso. She wanted desperately to remain calm, but the pangs that were torturing the pit of her stomach made this task nearly impossible. As she bit her bottom lip briefly her door opened slowly and she quickly sat upright. Horo entered the bedroom and stared at the floor when he closed the door behind him. She frowned at him but quickly changed her expression into a weak smile as she waited for him to address her. When he didn't speak, she grew nervous and scratched her head.

"Yoh's not here," she said softly, "He went for another walk."

"I know," he replied as he stepped closer to the bed, "I wanted to talk to you."

He looked into her eyes, and she was suddenly distracted by the obvious worry in his demeanor. She moved to the edge of the bed, and he sat beside her, resuming his downward gaze.

"What's wrong, Horo?" She asked timidly.

"I'm fine," he sighed, "But, I don't think you are."

"What?"

"Are you really going through with this?" He asked with a frown, "I mean, you're going to marry him?"

"Yes," she replied weakly as if she felt guilty for her answer.

"It's a mistake, Tamao," he hesitated and briefly closed his eyes before continuing his thoughts, "And, I think you know it."

She clutched her knees with her hands and remained silent as he continued.

"He's in love with Anna," he sighed, "He'll never stop loving her, no matter what he does with his life. I know he'll try, but he can't help the way he feels. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Tamao didn't respond.

"You'll never be able to fill that hole in his heart. He'll pretend to be happy, but he'll never be happy with anyone else. And, in his mind you'll never measure up to her. You'll always be compared to her; you'll always be the woman he settled for. Do you really want to live like that? Do you really want to marry a man who doesn't love you?"

"I'm just trying to do the right thing," she sighed, "I told myself I would make this work. I can't abandon him now. He needs me."

"What about you?" He replied angrily, "What do you need?"

"It won't be that bad," she said weakly, "I'll be fine. We'll be fine."

"If you go through with this, you'll be miserable. And, eventually you'll hate him."

"No I won't," she snapped, visibly offended by his statement.

"You'll definitely resent him," he groaned, "You can't ruin your life to make him happy."

Tamao clenched her teeth briefly and closed her eyes.

"Come on, Tamao," he said softly, "You don't really want to do this, do you?"

"I have to," she whispered sadly without opening her eyes.

"He can't make you do anything you don't want to do," he sighed, "If you tell him you don't want to do it, he'll understand. I'm sure he will."

"No," she said as she stood abruptly, "I want to do this for him. I want him to be happy. I want to marry him."

"Tamao," he groaned but was ignored.

"I can't abandon him, Horo," she sighed, "He trusts me, and he loves me."

"He doesn't love you the way a husband should love his wife," Horo pleaded, "Come on, you know that."

"I'm not walking out of his life like everyone else!" She yelled at him suddenly, "I'm the only person he can count on now. I won't betray him like she did. Like all of you did!"

"You can't expect everything to go back to normal!" He replied angrily as he stood quickly in front of her, "He tried to kill Pirika! I was supposed to forget that happened? Are we going to pretend he's not crazy?"

"You know what happened to him," she said breathlessly, "He doesn't even remember that. It's like you just woke up one day and decided you wanted nothing to do with him. Don't you understand how that made him feel?"

"You can't save him, Tamao," he said weakly, "None of us can. You think he's better, but he's not. If you marry him you'll be trapped. I can't protect you."

"I don't need protection," she snarled bitterly, "We're talking about Yoh. What exactly do you think he's capable of?"

"He beat the crap out of you," he declared, "I don't think any of us thought he was capable of that."

"Stop this," she moaned weakly as she turned away from him.

"You have amnesia now?" He growled, "Well, I don't."

"You've made your point," she replied sadly, "Get out, please."

"Tamao, you're my friend," he sighed, "I care about you, and I want you to be safe. You've made some really dumb decisions in the past. Don't get me started about Ren-"

"We are not talking about this," she mumbled.

"I just don't want you to make a big decision like this without thinking it through," he continued, "I mean, this could change your life forever."

When she didn't respond he exhaled heavily and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Just think about it," he said softly, "You owe it to yourself."

"I've already made my decision," she groaned, "If you really were my friend, you would respect it."

He grabbed her arm gently and pulled her close to his body. She didn't protest but frowned at him when he pushed her lightly onto the bed.

"Sit down. It sounds like you really have amnesia," he said gravely.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore, Horo," she sighed.

"No, you're just going to sit there. I'm doing the talking," he said and pointed at her.

"Horo," she groaned.

"No," he said sternly, "You need a history lesson."

"Why do you always bring this up?" She moaned, "I know what happened; I was there."

"I'm going to keep bringing it up until you realize what it means."

Tamao closed her eyes and clenched her teeth but didn't respond.

"If you really remembered that day, you wouldn't be doing this," he said in frustration, "I'll never forget how you came to me crying."

She mumbled something inaudible under her breath, but he continued.

"You were scared to death, Tamao. You wanted to move out," he groaned, "And now, four months later, you want to marry him as if nothing happened?"

"Horo, he doesn't remember," she exhaled.

"That doesn't make it okay," he rebutted, "That doesn't make him sane."

"I don't want to do this with you," she pleaded, "Leave me alone."

"You're going to hear it again, Tamao," he snapped, "And this time, it had better sink in."


	5. Memories that Sting

**Memories that Sting**

_Four Months Ago_

Tamao entered his bedroom apprehensively and quickly closed the door once she was inside. She hated coming there, but since he was changing so much she feared for him. Ren told her the day before to leave him alone, but she felt that would be the same as abandonment. She couldn't bring herself to desert him, even if it meant dealing with his violent mood swings. Yoh was alone in the house, and she knew it. No one else wanted to be around him, so she forced herself to be there. The house was very quiet since the others were out, and she felt this a good opportunity to talk to him before completing her errands.

Although the sun was still shining brightly in the sky, his room was very dark. The mood was unsettling, and several moments elapsed before she saw him standing against a wall near the window. His expression was relaxed with the exception of his eyes, and he stared at her as if he desired comfort.

"Yoh?" She called to him weakly.

"Yes?" He replied in the same tone.

"I just wanted to check on you. Are you okay in here?" She asked nervously as she walked closer.

"I'm okay," he said in an unconvincing whimper.

"What's wrong?" Tamao stood in front of the window and held his hand gently.

"I just don't feel well today, I guess," he sighed but smiled at her weakly, "Maybe it will pass."

"Maybe you should go outside," she suggested, "You probably need some fresh air."

He pulled her close gently, and she leaned into him without resistance as he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder. She rubbed his back a few times and then rested her hands.

"You're not dead for a reason, Yoh," she said softly, "You have to live your life."

"I know," he replied without loosening his grasp.

"I'm going to the market, and then I'll be running some errands," she said softly in his ear, "Do you want to come with me?"

He didn't respond and held her tighter.

"We can go to the park for a while," she added weakly.

"No," he replied, "I don't want to go anywhere."

She closed her eyes sadly and pulled back enough for him to release her. He closed his eyes suddenly, but she didn't seem to notice.

"I think you should," she pleaded, "I think it would help."

Yoh wasn't listening to her and held his hand over his face.

"I'll let you think about it," she sighed as she headed for the door.

He grabbed her arm suddenly and pulled her back roughly. She was startled by the action but didn't protest when she saw his expression was different.

"Where are you going?" His voice was littered with irritation, and his eyes narrowed.

Tamao closed her eyes briefly and replied, "I have errands."

"What's the rush?" He asked angrily, "You can stay longer."

"No," she said quickly as her hands began to tremble, "I have to go. I need to go to the market-"

"It can wait," he interrupted her.

"I have a lot of things to do today," she rambled as she pulled away from him, "I really have to go."

He grabbed her again and pushed her hard against the wall. She gasped fearfully but didn't look at him.

"I said it can wait," he growled.

She stared at his neck and replied, "Please, I have to leave."

"Why?" He demanded, "Why are you in such a hurry to get away from me?"

"I'm not," she whimpered, "I'm just busy."

Tamao looked into his eyes briefly then darted her eyes back to his neck. The trembling in her hands traveled through her entire body, and she couldn't hide the movement. He stared at her silently with wrathful eyes, and a frown quickly crossed his lips.

"Are you scared?" He asked suddenly.

She flinched when he spoke again, but didn't respond to his question. He moved closer until he brushed her cheek with his lips. Her violent quivering increased as he pulled her hair back and bit her neck.

"Are you afraid of me?" He whispered in her ear.

"Please let me go," she closed her eyes as tears escaped them.

Yoh moved back slightly and smiled at her. Tamao noticed the expression, but turned her head away and stared at the door. She lingered too long.

"I don't know," he said softly, "Maybe you should be."

The smile quickly faded into an amused scowl. She pushed his shoulders back with her hands and began running toward the door, but he stopped her quickly by grabbing her waist. Tamao struggled to free herself from his abnormally strong grasp but was unsuccessful. She didn't stop squirming or flailing her arms, however, and he pushed her violently onto the bed. Recovering quickly from the impact, she began crawling to the other side, but he grabbed her by the ankle and dragged her back to the edge. She kicked him frantically a few times, and he punched her in the jaw as if intending to break it. The blow stunned her momentarily, and she lay still with her eyes closed. He waited for her to open them again and grabbed her neck brusquely.

"How scared are you right now?" He asked with a frightening giggle.

"Please stop," she whimpered weakly as her eyes filled with tears again, "Please."

"Why do you always whine and cry like a baby?" He asked with agitation and slapped her.

The impact stung her face so badly she had to close her eyes again. He released her neck and she inhaled while slowly opening her eyes. The anger violently resurfaced when he noticed her staring at the ceiling. She was definitely trying to ignore him somehow, and he wouldn't tolerate it.

"I'm talking to you," he growled.

"Let me go," she whispered without looking at him.

The trembling resumed, and when he noticed her terror he smiled again and ripped the thin t shirt she was wearing completely off of her body with the exception of one sleeve. She closed her eyes and clenched her teeth in an attempt to stop crying, but there was no way for her to hide the tears.

"How about now?" He asked, "Are you still scared?"

"I can't fight you," she whimpered faintly, "You're too strong. You know that."

"Yeah. But it's still fun, isn't it?"

Tamao opened her eyes and stared at him as if she needed proof he was serious. He was still smiling at her, but the expression nearly faded when he noticed the beautiful blue lace bra she was wearing. Her breasts were visible through the fabric, and he stared as if he had never seen them before.

"Yoh, stop," she pleaded, "Let me leave."

"And, if I decided not to stop," he replied, "How hard would you fight me?"

"I get it," she said sadly, "Just let me go."

He pulled one of the blue straps with his finger over her shoulder and halfway down her bicep as he leaned into her face. She closed her eyes again and swallowed.

"Answer my question," he whispered.

"Stop it," fear choked her voice, so she was unsure if he even heard her.

The denim jeans she was wearing slowly became loose at her waist, and she opened her eyes again in terror as she felt his warm hands against her skin.

"Answer the question," he repeated.

"I wouldn't fight you," she whispered and sniffed a few times as she resumed staring at the ceiling.

"But, what if I wanted you to?" He whispered.

"This isn't funny," Tamao growled while attempting to harden her voice.

"I'm serious," he replied and began running his fingers along her torso, "You thought it was a joke?"

"Get off!" She tried to push him as hard as physically possible, but he didn't move.

"Oh, I get it," he laughed, "You're waiting for me to stop."

Tamao hit him suddenly in the face and tried to sit up. Yoh grabbed her wrists and forced her back onto the mattress and smiled as she squirmed beneath him.

"Get off of me!"

She screamed hysterically and wriggled free from his grasp. He smiled at her again, allowing her to crawl away a few strides, but grabbed her leg once she was in the middle of the bed. She tried to kick him with her other, but he caught it at the ankle. Frustration and anger began to intertwine with the fear already overclouding her thoughts, and she began punching the pillows and screaming into them. Amused by her sudden breakdown, he released her and watched as she curled her body into a fetal ball. She shielded her body with one of the pillows as if preparing for a fight but then threw it onto the floor.

"So, are you going to just sit there?" He asked after a few moments of silence.

"What do you want from me?" She demanded bitterly.

"What do you think?" He replied calmly, "You're not that stupid."

"Why do you enjoy hurting me?" She whimpered, while briefly closing her eyes.

He jumped on top of her quickly and without warning, pinning her body against the mattress. Her limbs didn't move despite her greatest efforts, and she stared at him with widened eyes as the tears returned.

"Because of the way you're looking at me right now," he whispered.

"I'm not afraid of you, Yoh," she said angrily as her lips quivered violently.

He kissed her roughly then whispered, "Liar. But, let's put it to the test."

Tamao shivered uncontrollably and closed her eyes, but the silence was unbearable to handle. Yoh knew she was afraid, and there was no way for her to disguise this emotion. She wanted desperately to leave but knew he would chase her all over the house before giving up this chance. Unfortunately, she had to accept the situation whether she wanted to or not. She couldn't defend herself well. He was too strong for her to try fighting. New tears filled her eyes quickly, and she tightened her closed lids as her teeth began to chatter.

"Just get it over with," she sniffed.

Yoh didn't speak or move for several seconds, and this pause greatly increased her fear. She dared not open her eyes; there was no desire to see his demented smile. He exhaled lowly, and she held her breath briefly and clenched her teeth. He fell hard on top of her suddenly, and she gasped.

"Yoh?" She whispered as she stared fearfully at the ceiling.

Once she realized he was unconscious, she struggled to push him back so she could move away. She stood on the side of the bed with her arms tightly folded over her torso and stared at him in shock. Yoh didn't move at all, and didn't appear to be breathing. One eye that was visible was closed, and his hair covered the rest of his face.

"Yoh?"

She quickly covered her mouth with her hand when he didn't respond. Horror paralyzed her limbs suddenly, and her eyes were frozen on his face. For some reason, he blacked out. She knew this for sure, but now her worst fears were beginning to surface. Ren told her to stay away from him. Horo told her he was losing his mind. Pirika wouldn't mention his name in a sentence. But, she had to be stubborn. She had to see him anyway. And, now she was overcome with sorrow.

He rolled over onto his stomach suddenly and she gasped loudly. Fatigue overpowered his body quickly, but he pushed himself off of the mattress and fell onto the floor. Tamao didn't move and waited for his head to resurface on the other side. The sheets began to pull downward as he climbed them with his hands, and once high enough, he pushed against the bed to stand on his feet.

"Yoh!" She blurted without moving.

Her voice startled him and he fell again. She ran around the bed to the other side and paused as he bent his knees and leaned his back against the frame.

"Are you okay?" Tamao whispered.

"Yeah," he sighed but then frowned, "No, my head hurts."

She took a step forward but stopped abruptly and stepped back.

"What was I saying?" He asked. The question seemed random and he scratched his head.

"What?"

"Oh," he exhaled, "I'll go with you."

"What are you talking about, Yoh?" She asked fearfully.

"You said you were going to run some errands," he replied, "I probably should get out of this house. The park might be a nice-"

Yoh stopped abruptly and stared at her. She wasn't wearing a shirt; her jeans were unbuttoned and unzipped, and they were hanging at her hips. He frowned, but when he noticed her fearful expression he could tell she had been crying.

"Okay," she whispered. The tone was unintentional, but for some reason she didn't have the strength to project her voice.

"Where are your clothes?" He whimpered.

"I have to change," she said dismissively, "And, then we can go."

He noticed bruises that were beginning to surface on her face, but swallowed hard when he trailed down to her neck.

"Who bit you?" He whimpered.

"It's nothing," she said.

"There's blood on your-"

"It's nothing, Yoh," she interrupted him quickly.

Yoh's breathing elevated and he shrieked suddenly, "What just happened?"

"Nothing," she repeated.

"Tamao-"

"Stop!" She snapped at him, "I don't want to talk about it!"

He stared at her sadly for a few moments, and she knelt beside him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

"Everything is fine, okay?" She whispered in his ear, "Don't worry about it."

* * *

Tamao stared aimlessly at the wall opposite the bed without speaking. Her eyes overflowed with tears, and she didn't restrict them from streaming down her cheeks. Horo sat beside her on the bed, but she didn't move, and he placed his hand on hers.

"Why do you want to do this, Tamao?" Horo asked weakly, "You know there's something wrong with him. You admitted that to me."

She didn't speak and closed her eyes.

"What does he have to do for you to see what everyone else sees?" He sighed.

Horo took a nearby towel and wiped the tears gently from her face. The gesture conjured even more tears, and she clenched her teeth to avoid a nearing breakdown.

"It makes me wonder, Tamao," he hesitated and closed his eyes briefly before he continued, "I just wonder what else he's done: the stuff you haven't told anyone."

"Please, Horo," she whimpered, "I can't talk about it anymore."

He wrapped his arm around her, and she buried herself into his chest and neck as her hysterical wails erupted irrepressibly. Horo was visibly startled by her breakdown, but he held her tightly in his arms and closed his eyes.

"Please don't do this, Tamao," he pleaded, "Please, just call it off."

"I can't," she sniffed, "You know I can't."


	6. Ties that Bind

**Ties that Bind**

Yoh was definitely beginning to enjoy his afternoon walks. The weather was always comforting, even when raining, and the absence of people gave him the great opportunity to hear and gather his thoughts. Of course, there was another benefit that only he was aware of. Taking this path every day at this particular time would allow him to run into Anna.

She wasn't aware of this either. On the few days he repeated this action, he spotted her in the park sitting on a bench and staring at the lake. She was always alone, but he never approached her or made her aware of his presence. For a reason he couldn't explain, the thought of seeing her created a warmth in his chest and forced a smile onto his lips. He didn't need to talk to her to feel better. She just needed to be there so he could watch her, and he was satisfied.

As he neared the park, his thoughts assembled into place orderly, and he was overwhelmed with calmness and ease. For the first time in several months he was relaxed. He took a deep breath as he neared the clearing where she normally sat, and when the bench came into focus he smiled. Anna was sitting with her hands resting on her lap. Her legs were crossed loosely, and she wore a sleeveless, blue dress with a hem just above her knee. The blond strands of her hair were unrestrained and fell at her back with some of them resting against the bench. Her hair was longer than he remembered, and he was slightly amused by the random thought.

"Hi, Yoh," she said suddenly without turning her head.

He was visibly startled by her greeting, but stepped closer until he was in front of the bench.

"Hi, Anna," he replied softly.

"Why didn't you say anything yesterday?" She asked as she briefly met his eyes.

"I didn't want to disturb you," he lied.

She paused and stared at the grass then replied plainly, "Sit with me."

Yoh sat beside her without hesitation, and they stared at the ripples in the lake without speaking. He glanced over briefly and caught a glimpse of her smooth legs, but darted his eyes back ahead and swallowed.

"Are you feeling better?" She asked calmly.

"I feel great," he replied with a smile.

"I feel better too," she sighed, "I suppose fresh air has many good uses."

They fell silent again, and Yoh closed his eyes.

"I like this," he said softly.

"What?"

"Being here with you," he replied, "It makes me feel normal."

Anna smiled warmly, clutching her hands at her dress, "I like it too, Yoh."

She pulled a few strands of her hair away from her face and behind her ear and shifted her body weight. He relaxed his body, leaning his back against the wood, and rested his arm behind her shoulders. She didn't protest the action and moved a few inches closer.

"I'm a little nervous," he sighed.

"Why?" She asked with a smirk.

"Well, we're not fighting or screaming at each other," he explained as he squeezed the back of her shoulder, "I don't feel angry or hurt today."

"Today?" She laughed lightly.

"Yeah," he smiled, "That's progress, right?"

"I suppose it is."

The silence that resumed was much more comfortable than before. Anna rested her head on his shoulder momentarily but quickly pulled away and clutched her hands in her lap. Yoh noticed her hesitation but didn't move.

"How is Hao doing?" He asked randomly.

"What?" She replied with a frown.

"Well, he's my brother," he sighed, "And, I should know how he's doing, right?"

"He's fine," she said quickly, "He's been very kind and considerate lately."

"Are we talking about the same person?"

"Hao's not the evil monster you think he is," she sighed, "You wouldn't understand."

"You're probably right about that," he replied in an unrecognizable tone, "My opinion of him is slanted somewhat, since he's tried to kill me-"

"Why are we talking about him?" She interrupted with hinted irritation.

"Because friends should discuss their relationships," he answered calmly.

"So, we're friends now?"

"Yeah."

Yoh glanced at her quickly and noticed the concern in her expression.

"We can't be friends?" He asked softly.

"I don't think it's possible, honestly," she sighed.

"Why not?"

She closed her eyes and exhaled heavily before replying, "Do you really have to ask?"

"Are you saying we're not mature enough to be friends? People do it all the time," he suggested.

"I'm engaged to Hao," she said softly in an almost inaudible tone.

"I know that," he replied.

"And, you're engaged to Tamao," she continued, "We're getting married soon to different people."

"I don't understand your point here," he said as he scratched his head.

"It's inappropriate," she sighed, "Tamao would be uncomfortable with it. I would be uncomfortable with it. And, you should be too."

"But, it wouldn't bother Hao?"

"That's beside the point," she groaned.

"Would it bother him?" He repeated.

"No," she said dismissively, "But that's not the point, Yoh."

"If it doesn't bother him, why does it bother you?"

"This argument is useless," she mumbled.

"Are you afraid to be my friend?" He asked with a soft nudge in her back, "Because you still love me?"

"THAT is exactly my point," she growled, "You wouldn't want to be my friend without an agenda."

"I was just asking an honest question," he replied with a smile, "Okay. If you don't want to be friends, we won't."

Anna folded her arms tightly over her torso and clenched her teeth. Yoh knew she was irritated, but for some reason pushing her buttons was incredibly amusing. This was an opportunity he never had when she lived in the house. She had always been in control and was never moved by anything that happened there.

"We can be acquaintances," she sighed, "But, certain topics are off limits."

"Okay," he giggled.

"You don't ask me about Hao; I won't ask about Tamao," she continued.

"Yes, ma'am," he nodded.

"We will not talk about the past, and you will not bring up the subject of love in any conversation."

"Understood," he replied.

"Do you have any questions about these rules?" She asked coldly, "If you break any of them, I'm walking away."

"You can't listen to my thoughts," he suggested, "That would be unfair, right?"

"Fine," she sighed, "Your thoughts are off limits."

He squeezed his arm around her shoulders, and she stood abruptly.

"And, you can't touch me," she pointed at him with one finger, "Understand?"

"Okay," he was disappointed with the rule but agreed, "Come back. I won't touch you."

She sat reluctantly on the opposite end of the bench, leaving a considerable amount of space between them. He smiled at her and waved his hand, and she rolled her eyes as if annoyed by the gesture.

"Are you going to participate in the tournament?" She asked.

The question surprised him, and he frowned, "No."

"Why not?" She seemed disappointed with his answer and glanced at him with a concerned frown.

"Um," he hesitated, "I can't fight."

"What do you mean, you can't fight?" She demanded angrily.

"I thought you knew about this," he replied as he scratched the top of his head.

"About what?"

"I lost my power when I fought Hao," he said as his demeanor quickly changed. The sadness was evident in his eyes, and he paused before finishing his thoughts, "So technically, I'm not a shaman."

"I didn't know about this," she replied sadly.

"I thought he told you," he sighed, "I mean, I just assumed he felt it that day."

"No, he never mentioned it," she frowned.

"I thought it was temporary," he continued weakly, "But, it's been six months."

Anna opened her mouth slightly but paused.

"Maybe it's destiny," his tone shifted into a cheerful response, "You said your destiny was to be the Shaman Queen, and that you were the bride of the Shaman King. Maybe you're marrying him for that reason. Maybe he's supposed to be the Shaman King, and I'm supposed to be," he hesitated, "Something else."

For some reason, Anna was unable to gather her thoughts to respond to his theory, but pangs rose in her stomach and ravaged her body with great discomfort.

"You said he's not a monster," he continued, "If you're right, we have nothing to worry about. This is his destiny, and I was in the way. I mean, he always said I was irrelevant. Maybe I am."

Her eyes began to fill with tears as the shock continued to overwhelm her thoughts.

"Maybe he was supposed to absorb my power because," he paused, "It was supposed to be his power. I just borrowed it because I'm his twin. We weren't supposed to be twins, you know. There was supposed to be one son. I just think that maybe-"

"Stop it," she interrupted sadly, "I don't want to hear this."

"Anna," he started.

"So, you think you have no purpose?" She demanded, "You think you were better off not being born?"

"Sometimes," he replied softly.

She stared at him with widened eyes and stood quickly from her seat. He noticed her shock but didn't address her expression.

"What happened to you, Yoh?" Her tone was elevated, and she appeared to be yelling at him, "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm starting to figure out my purpose," he sighed, "My destiny."

"And, what's that?" She asked as she clenched her teeth, "What's your destiny, Yoh?"

"To die," he said simply.

A few birds began chirping spiritedly in the distance, startling her slightly, but her gaze remained fixed on his eyes. There was no indication that he was lying, and she knew from his demeanor he was serious. He smiled at her weakly to break the tension, but there was no use. She was angry, confused and worried.

Extremely worried.

"What are you saying?" She whispered.

"Let's go for a walk," he ignored her question and stood, "It's so beautiful out here."

"Answer my question, Yoh," her words were very weak, and her voice trembled as she released them.

"Please," he said softly, "Let's just walk."

Yoh approached her very slowly and reached for her hand. She pulled back at first, but when he grabbed it she didn't resist him. He wrapped one of his arms around her waist and gently pulled her close to his chest. Anna stared at the nearby trees in the distance over his shoulder and didn't move her arms that were limp at her sides. The embrace was greatly uncomfortable. His statements confused her, and she needed clarification. The only conclusion she came to continued to play over and over again in her mind, and her body shivered.

Was he saying goodbye for good? Did he have a plan to die? Is he talking about suicide?

"Let's go," he said softly, disturbing her troubled thoughts, "Can I hold your hand?"

She didn't speak but nodded her head weakly and allowed him to lead her down a dirt path into the woods.


	7. Strain from Stress

**Strain from Stress**

The restaurant was moderately crowded, although there were no diners nearby. Ren and Pirika sat at a small table near a window, and the evening sky revealed colorful patterns of the sunset and clouds through the glass. Ren ate his food very quickly and didn't move his eyes away from the bowl of rice he was focused on. Pirika's food remained untouched, and she held her hands underneath the table in her lap and stared at him.

"So they're getting married soon," she said blankly, "Yoh and Tamao."

"Yes," Ren replied as he continued inhaling the rice.

"What do you think about that?" She asked as her eyes narrowed.

He paused, swallowing quickly, and frowned as he stared at the table, "I don't have an opinion about it."

"Is that so?"

Ren didn't seem to understand why she spoke in this tone, but continued to eat his food.

"I think it's a bad idea," she sighed, "He's clearly insane."

"He's stressed," he corrected her and moved on to a small bowl of vegetables.

"That's an interesting point of view," she scoffed, "You think he's stressed out?"

"Yes," he paused, "If you consider everything that has happened, his actions are probably normal."

She frowned but didn't respond.

"But unlike the rest of us, he hasn't been able to release any of his stress. So, it has been building up for months. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn't have progressed so far, but he had a breakdown."

"From stress?" She asked skeptically.

"From not releasing it," Ren replied calmly.

"So, are you saying he doesn't have a split personality?" Pirika's question sounded like an accusation.

He didn't respond so she continued.

"Are you saying he snaps without warning because he's so stressed out? That he tried to kill me because he was too stressed out to talk to me? Or, that he only beats Tamao to relieve stress?"

"I'm not a doctor," Ren replied.

"No, you're not," she snapped.

Ren glanced at her and noticed the anger in her eyes. He resumed eating, but stared at the table with a frown.

"If it's just stress," she resumed, "Why are you and my brother so afraid of him?"

"I'm not afraid of Yoh," he replied bitterly.

"Really?" She frowned, "It would seem then that one of you would step in and tell him his actions are unacceptable. But, you two just let him run around the house and do whatever he wants. And, that isn't fair because Tamao can't stand up to him. At least I admit on a daily basis I'm afraid of him."

"Where is this coming from?" He asked with irritation.

"It doesn't matter," she said quickly as she waved one of her hands in the air, "That's not what I want to talk about."

He frowned at her, and his eyes revealed slight confusion. They sat in silence for a few moments until she exhaled and rolled her eyes at him.

"So, are you going to tell me?" She growled, "Or, do I have to pull it out of you?"

"Tell you what?" He asked weakly as he moved the bowls away and placed both of his hands on the table.

"I want you to explain this infatuation you have with Tamao," she said angrily.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't play stupid with me, Ren," she groaned, "I'm not blind."

"I don't have an infatuation," he replied bitterly.

"Oh, stop it," she snarled, "You're so obvious about it."

He stared at her with a confused frown, but she ignored it.

"You stare at her like you want to rip her clothes off," she continued bitterly, "You don't even try to hide it."

"What?"

"Or is it that you don't realize you're doing it?" She added.

"I don't look at her in any way," Ren sounded offended by the accusation, but she didn't seem to care.

"You can't even focus on a conversation with me if she's in the room," Pirika seethed as her voice elevated.

Ren stared at the table as if processing the information, and she exhaled heavily.

"At least admit you're attracted to her, Ren," she said weakly, "Maybe I wouldn't be so irritated if you just admitted it."

"I'm not attracted to her," he said without meeting her eyes.

"You're a liar," she growled, "But, now I wonder why you feel the need to lie?"

"You're angry?"

"Yes, Ren," she sighed, "You'd rather sit here and stuff your face, something you NEVER do, than tell me the truth. You've tried so hard to pretend like it doesn't bother you that they're getting married when your body language betrays you. It irritates me that you can sit here and pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm angry because you're hiding something from me, and I'm angry that you have the nerve to do it."

"I don't understand where this is coming from," he replied with a weak frown.

"You're lying to me, Ren," she growled, "I hate when people lie to me."

Ren exhaled and briefly closed his eyes as she continued.

"I'm not a fool, and you're not going to make one out of me," she said through clenched teeth, "Tell me the truth."

"We're not going to have this conversation here," he said abruptly.

"We're having this conversation right now, Ren," she snapped, "Don't dismiss me."

"No," he sighed, "We need to leave."

Pirika stormed out of the restaurant and waited for Ren to pay for their dinner. Hunger pangs attacked her stomach suddenly, and she realized she allowed her anger to keep her from eating. When Ren exited the restaurant, she walked quickly down the sidewalk, leaving him there on purpose, and he made no attempt to catch up with her.

The walk back to the house seemed much longer than normal. They were silent the entire time, and Pirika was much too angry to look at him. She knew now that she was right, and the feeling didn't settle well in her stomach. There was also the possibility he wanted them to leave the restaurant so that she wouldn't make a scene. The thought boiled her blood quickly, and she clutched her hands tightly against her folded arms as she sped her pace.

Ren noticed her increased pace but didn't adjust. He kept her in his sights and buried his hands into his pockets. He didn't want to have this conversation with her tonight. He didn't want to have the conversation ever, but she was forcing his hand. Until she mentioned it in the restaurant, he honestly had no idea he was watching Tamao so much, and the thought angered him. How could he do something so obvious without being aware? Tamao had been ignoring him on purpose, but he didn't seem to accept the action. His pace slowed even further when they reached the front of the house. She glared at him angrily to force him to stop stalling, and she slammed the door when they entered.

When they reached the dining room, Horo was sitting in one of the chairs with a concerned frown, and Tamao was pacing nervously in front of him. Pirika's pace slowed, and she stared at her brother silently for a few seconds. Her demeanor quickly shifted to worry, and she pulled a few strands of her hair out of her face. No one was speaking, adding to the sudden tension, and Ren noticed Tamao's eyes were red and puffy.

"What's wrong?" He asked worriedly.

"Yoh's missing," Horo replied gravely.

"What do you mean, missing?" Pirika asked as she took a step closer to her brother.

"He's been gone for at least ten hours," Tamao sniffed, "I haven't heard from him."

"Maybe he just went out for a while," Ren suggested.

"No," Tamao rebutted, "He always goes for a walk at the same time every day. He's usually gone for an hour. That's it. But, he left today and didn't come back."

The tears returned, and she continued pacing while biting the tip of her thumb.

"You don't go for a walk for ten hours," Horo sighed, "It's already dark outside."

"He could be anywhere by now," Tamao added as her voice revealed her panic, "Something could be wrong."

She paused for a moment as the tears escaped her eyes rapidly and her body began to tremble.

"Tamao," Ren said weakly.

"Something could be wrong," she repeated hysterically.

Ren embraced her quickly, and she buried her face into his shirt and continued sobbing. She had no intention of crying, but wondering about his whereabouts increased the fear that was ravaging her brain. Ren rubbed her back a few times and kissed her ear.

"I'm sure he's fine," he said softly, "Please don't cry."

Pirika closed her eyes briefly and clenched her teeth but was startled when her brother stood from his chair.

"We tried looking for him, but it's like he just disappeared," he groaned.

"Maybe he doesn't want to be found," Pirika blurted, "Which might be why you can't find him."

Tamao pulled away from Ren slightly, an action he seemed disappointed with, and turned to her.

"What do you mean?" She sniffed.

"He probably just wants to be alone," Pirika continued, "He'll come back when he's ready."

"She has a point," Horo agreed, "I guess if he doesn't come back in the morning we can worry."

"Right, so there's nothing we can do about it tonight," Pirika's tone was incredibly bitter, but she didn't attempt hiding her disgust, "So you can stop consoling her now."

Tamao took a few steps back and sat in the chair Horo abandoned, "What?"

Ren frowned at her but didn't respond.

"He heard me," she groaned.

"Are you okay, Sis?" Horo asked with a frown.

"I'm fine, Horo," she replied quickly.

"I'm sorry," Tamao said sadly, "For freaking out about this. Maybe you're right. Maybe he's fine."

"It was a normal response," Pirika replied with a smile, "Try not to worry about it, okay?"

Tamao sniffed a few times as the tears returned. She needed to know things were fine now, not in the morning. She closed her eyes and rubbed the back of her neck with her hands then walked slowly into the kitchen. Horo followed her and glanced briefly at Ren before disappearing behind the door.

Pirika and Ren stood in the room silently. He stared at her with a strained expression, and she glared angrily at his neck.

"Pirika-"

She slapped him hard across his face, interrupting his statement.

"Save it, Ren. I have my answer."

Pirika narrowed her eyes at him before storming down the hallway. He stared at the floor as he listened to her furious pace and closed his eyes when she slammed her bedroom door.


	8. Bend and Break

**Bend and Break**

As darkness blanketed most of the sky, red orange ripples from the sun began to pierce the horizon. A gentle gust of wind stirred nearby trees and grass. Blond strands tickled her shoulder slightly as the air pushed them around, and a chill ran through her limbs as small goose bumps blistered over her skin. She didn't open her eyes despite the fact she was cold, and she pulled her knees forward slowly before hitting his leg. He was lying on his back in the grass with one of his arms securely placed around her shoulders. His chest had become her pillow for several hours, and she breathed gently as his steady heartbeat vibrated through her ears. After the wind began to pick up in pace, he slowly opened his eyes. His hair blocked most of his view of the sky, but he didn't move from his position, and he blinked slowly a few times before scratching his head with his free hand. As if by some trigger, she awoke from her slumber as well and stared at her hand that had been rested flat on his shoulder.

"It's almost morning," he whispered hazily without moving.

She didn't respond and slowly sat upright, placing one hand on her knee and the other in the grass.

"I don't even remember falling asleep," he added with a giggle.

He sat up and leaned his back against the base of the large tree they had been sleeping under and noticed she wasn't smiling.

"What's wrong, Anna?" He asked softly.

She surveyed their surroundings silently and didn't reply.

"Do you remember how we got here?" He asked without expecting an answer.

"I wanted to know if you could see or hear the spirits," she replied weakly.

The hill was extremely steep from where they were sitting, and he stared at the cemetery below with a frown.

"I remember," he said sadly.

Anna watched the expression in his eyes a few moments and then darted her glare to the tree behind him. She didn't lie about this intention, but after his statements in the park, she didn't want to leave him. Staying with him as long as possible would change his perception in her mind. Anna couldn't allow him to entertain those thoughts of defeat. She couldn't walk away thinking he would die. She didn't want to lose him.

She couldn't lose him.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked her suddenly.

"It must be late," she replied quickly.

"Or early," he smiled, "Depending on how you look at it."

"You have a purpose," she blurted.

The statement seemed random, and his smile faded.

"You're supposed to be here," she continued sadly, "You've touched so many people. You would not have done that if you weren't meant to exist."

"Sometimes our purpose changes," he replied lowly.

"I won't allow you to do this," she said angrily, "You're not finished. Your life is not complete. You have more things you need to do."

"Anna," he tried interrupting, but she continued.

"You can't abandon the people who depend on you," she said as her tone elevated, "They need you here. I need you here!"

"Why?" He asked sadly.

"What?" She was distracted by his question and frowned.

"Why do you need me, Anna?" He rephrased.

"Yoh," she tried to formulate an acceptable statement, but was unable to finish the thought.

"Do you need me the same way I need you?" He continued as his voice began to falter.

"Don't do that," she whispered.

Yoh stared at her with an indecipherable expression, and she blinked a few times to hide the tears that were developing. He honestly didn't know what he wanted her to say, and he was finding his emotions very difficult to control.

"Your life isn't over," she said calmly after pausing to regain her composure, "That's what I want you to see."

He pulled at her arm that was planted on the grass, causing her balance to waver. She tried resisting him, but her body fell forward from the instability, and she fell gently into his chest.

"Stop," she said weakly and pushed him wearily.

Yoh didn't appear to be listening to her complaint. He pulled her closer until there was almost no space between them, and kissed her cheek with his trembling lips. She didn't move for several seconds, and clutched her hands into weak fists against his chest.

"I need you," he whispered weakly as he wrapped his arms around her tighter than before.

"Don't do this now," she tried to sound as calm as possible, but her whisper barely reached his ears.

He kissed her cheek again and closed his eyes as overwhelming emotions of sadness, weariness and longing flooded his mind. She could feel his arms trembling as he held her, and she couldn't seem to stop herself from conjuring more tears.

"Please stop," she whimpered, abandoning the will to sound strong.

Yoh pressed his lips against hers very gently, but quickly recoiled and clenched his teeth. His eyes were closed, and he seemed desperate to repel a nearing breakdown. Anna returned his kiss with the same delicacy, an action that surprised them both, and held the back of his neck with one of her hands. She pulled away just as quickly but was only able to move back a few inches since he was still holding her tightly in his arms.

He pulled her close again, forcing his body to collapse against the tree, and kissed her. Anna was completely pinned this time and was unable to free herself. As he paused briefly to exhale, she closed her eyes and swallowed. This was a bad situation and was beginning to develop into something worse. She needed to free herself from his arms and escape his passionate kisses. She needed him to stop sending terrible chills down her spine and stop the weakness in her limbs. Yoh was making her angry. He was forcing her to think about the things she didn't want to address. He was making her uncomfortable.

He was exposing her desire.

She pulled away abruptly and rested her forehead against his with her eyes closed. He didn't move but parted his lips as his heavy breathing flooded her ears.

"Stop this, Yoh," she said breathlessly.

"I can't," he whispered weakly.

"You can't do this," she sighed, "I can't do this."

"I can't pretend I don't need you," he whimpered with his eyes closed, "I love you. It won't go away."

"Stop," she pleaded but was ignored.

"It'll never go away, Anna."

"It's over, Yoh," she said as she hit his chest softly with her hands, "This is over."

He opened his eyes but didn't respond.

"Let go of me," she sniffed, "Please."

Yoh released her very slowly without speaking, and she stood hurriedly, taking a few steps back. He didn't move from his position against the tree, and his arms fell limply at his sides. His gaze seemed to be fixed on a random blankness in the air, and his eyes were filled with fresh tears. Anna watched him silently for several seconds as pangs of uneasiness tortured her stomach. She didn't want to leave him there and couldn't find the will to walk away.

"You were right," he said finally.

His voice startled her, and she replied weakly, "About what?"

"We can't be friends."

* * *

Pirika was sitting at the dining room table tapping her fingers against the surface with a frown. She didn't want to be awake this early, but Tamao's nervousness had been manifested in cleaning the house at six in the morning. There was no way for her to get more sleep, so she didn't go back to her room. She stared at Tamao, who was standing in front of the table, and sighed. There was nothing else for her to clean; there was nothing else for her to do.

"Why don't you sit with me?" She suggested warmly, "You haven't stopped moving around since you got up."

"I never went to bed," Tamao mumbled.

"Tamao," she sighed, "That's not healthy."

She bit her bottom lip and reluctantly sat at the table across from her.

"Tamao, he's fine," Pirika reassured her, "I know it."

They were distracted suddenly upon hearing the front door open and close. Tamao jumped out of her chair but paused near the table as she stared into the empty hallway. Pirika waited until he appeared to stand slowly from her seat.

"Yoh?" Tamao covered her mouth with her hand as she tried to stop herself from crying.

He didn't respond and slowly entered the dining room. His clothes didn't appear torn or dirty, and he had no scars or bruises on his skin. His face was red with puffiness around his eyes, and Pirika assumed he had been crying.

"Are you okay?" Tamao asked as she approached him.

"Leave me alone," he mumbled and moved away from her a few steps.

Pirika stepped toward them but stopped abruptly and folded her arms over her torso.

"You've been gone since yesterday," Tamao replied with a concerned frown, "I was worried about you. We were all worried."

She tried to hold his hand but he jerked his arm away.

"Stop," he growled angrily.

"What's wrong?" She asked sadly, attempting the move again.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

He grabbed her arm roughly and pushed her back. She fell into the side of the table hard and knocked over a couple of the chairs. Pirika gasped and backed away as Tamao paused momentarily before regaining her balance. She stared at the floor briefly before looking at him again, and held her stomach as she spoke.

"I just wanted you to be okay," she replied sadly as her tears returned, "I was just worried."

"Leave me alone, Tamao," he spat angrily. His teeth were clenched, and his hands were balled into tight fists at his sides.

Tamao took a few steps forward as if she didn't hear his request, and Pirika stared at her with widened eyes.

"Tell me what's wrong," she asked sadly, "What happened?"

"I know you're not deaf," he growled bitterly and took a step forward as if preparing to attack.

Pirika backed away and then ran down the opposite hallway. As she entered the sitting room she had to pause to catch her breath. Horo and Ren had been watching television on the floor, and when she entered they stood abruptly and stared at her.

"What's wrong?" Horo asked quickly.

"Yoh's here," she replied fearfully, "He came back."

"He's with Tamao?" Ren asked with a frown.

Pirika tried to respond, but they were startled by a loud impact of a large object outside the room. The door vibrated slightly from the force, and Pirika trembled as the movement stopped. The silence was unbearable, and her eyes filled quickly with tears.

"What the hell was that?"

Horo abruptly opened the door and ran down the hallway. Ren followed him quickly, and Pirika hesitated a few seconds before leaving the room. She was afraid to go back, but needed to know Tamao wasn't hurt. When she reentered the dining room, the chairs were scattered on the floor, and the table had been broken in half. Horo and Ren were helping Tamao to her feet from a corner in the room, and no one was speaking.

"Are you okay?" Horo asked weakly.

"Yes," Tamao replied, "I'm fine."

"Where is he?" Pirika whispered.

"He went to his room."

She was almost unable to finish the sentence as the sound of crashing objects echoed down the hallway. Ren walked slowly to the entrance of the hallway and stared at Yoh's bedroom door at the end of it. Horo and Tamao accompanied Ren, and Horo pushed her behind him. Pirika stood behind her brother as well and clutched his arm in her hands.

"What is he doing?" Ren mumbled with a frown.

The booming thuds and shattering of glass seemed to increase in volume as they watched in silence. Tamao closed her eyes and clenched her teeth as his enraged screaming became more audible.

"We need to leave, Ren," Horo said abruptly, "At least get them out of here."

"I'm not going anywhere," Tamao protested sadly, "I'm not leaving him here like this."

"I want to go," Pirika whimpered as she squeezed his arm, "Please?"

The crashing paused momentarily as Yoh's screams continued. Without the background noise from objects being hurled against the wall, his outburst sounded more like he was yelling about something specific. His words were very difficult to decipher, and the screaming made the display much more incoherent.

"Please, Brother," Pirika repeated as her hands began to tremble, "Let's leave."

"Tamao, let us deal with this," Ren pleaded, "Just go outside with Pirika."

"Come on," Pirika added eagerly, "Tamao, let's just go."

"I'm not leaving," she repeated sternly.

Yoh's screaming increased in volume and vibrated violently down the hallway as she spoke. Pirika panicked and released her brother, backing away until she hit a wall behind them. The surface scared her and she gasped loudly, but the others didn't seem to notice. The sound of another loud crash rumbled down the hallway, and the room fell completely silent.

Tamao began walking swiftly down the hallway, but Ren grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Don't," he said sternly, "What are you doing?"

"He could be unconscious in there," Tamao replied as she tried freeing herself from his grasp.

"Or it could be a set up," Pirika shrieked.

"What?" Tamao stared at her with a frown.

"He's waiting for you to come in there so he can kill you," she replied nervously and placed the palms of her hands against the wall.

"Just wait, Tamao," Horo said weakly, "Wait and see what he does."

"Let go of me Ren," she demanded, "He could be-"

Tamao stopped her sentence abruptly as Yoh's bedroom door swiftly opened. He walked down the hallway very quickly, and since his hair covered most of his face, his expression was vague. Pirika held her breath as he approached, and Ren released Tamao's arm. Horo took a step back impulsively, and they all stared at him without speaking.

"Yoh?" Tamao called to him as she stepped in front of Ren and Horo.

"Hey, Tamao?" Yoh started as he reached the end of the hallway. His expression was extremely cheerful, and he was smiling.

"Yes?" She replied with a slight frown.

"Are you busy?" He asked eagerly, "I want to go get some ice cream. Do you want some ice cream?"

"Ice cream?" She repeated.

"Well, yeah," he sighed, "I've been wanting ice cream all day. Let's go get some, okay?"

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

Tamao paused and stared at him. Horo frowned at Yoh and tilted his head, and Ren folded his arms over his torso with slightly widened eyes. Pirika gasped after realizing she held her breath too long and clutched her stomach with her hands.

"Okay," Tamao said softly, "But, you have to get cleaned up first."

"What?" Yoh asked with slight disappointment, "Why?"

"You're bleeding."

Yoh hesitated briefly but lifted his left arm and stared at it. There was a large gash against his forearm, and the blood was beginning to drip onto the floor.

"Let me help you get that cleaned up, okay?" Tamao added with a weak smile.

"Okay," he replied calmly and headed to the bathroom.

Tamao paused in the hallway for a few moments before following him there. When they disappeared behind the door, Ren lowered his arms and stared at the floor. Horo seemed to share his bewilderment and bit his bottom lip.

"He is crazy," Pirika whispered fearfully, "He is CRAZY."

"Stop that," Horo sighed, "He's right down the hall."

"Did you see that?" She continued, "Did you see what just happened, Horo? He's talking about ice cream!"

"We have to do something," Ren replied gravely, "Horo, he's unstable."

"Well, if you have any ideas I'd love to hear them," Horo said in frustration, "I don't know what to do with this!"

"He's going to kill us in our sleep," Pirika mumbled.

"Pirika," Ren frowned.

"If he stays here I'm leaving," she protested, "I can't do this anymore. I can't live here like this."

Tamao reentered the hallway suddenly and startled them. She didn't speak until reaching the end of the hallway, and they gathered around her eagerly to hear what she had to say.

"We're going out for ice cream," she said blankly, "We'll be gone for a couple of hours."

"That's all you have to say?" Horo replied angrily, "What about Yoh?"

"He's fine," she said quickly, "Don't worry about it."

Yoh exited the bathroom as she spoke and went into Horo's bedroom.

"What is he doing?" Horo frowned.

He resurfaced with one of Horo's t shirts and walked down the hallway with the same smile he had before. His arm was bandaged, although he didn't seem to notice, and he paused briefly when noticing the others were staring at him.

"Come on, Yoh" Tamao said abruptly.

"Okay," he grinned.


	9. Avoiding the Obvious

**Avoiding the Obvious**

Hao sat in his normal position on the balcony staring at the looming trees with blank irritation. He didn't move from this position for several hours, even when Anna had finally decided to come back. The sound of running water filled his ears as she showered, and after several minutes of silence he could hear her delicate footsteps approaching.

Anna was wearing a long white robe that was securely tied at her waist with nothing underneath. She didn't have the energy to change and was slightly irritated that he didn't seem to notice her absence. Hesitation filled her brain as she approached him; she didn't know what she wanted to say, and anger was beginning to cloud her thoughts.

Although he felt her presence, he did not acknowledge her in the least. He didn't move from his position at all, even deciding not to look at her. This gesture increased her anger, and she stood directly beside him as if to force his hand.

The silence was infuriating. Howling wind increased in pace, blowing his hair vigorously in and out of his face. She glanced at him a few times, noticing he had made no efforts to do the same, and exhaled heavily.

"Is this your idea of punishment?" She asked bitterly, "I'm not a child."

He didn't respond and slowly blinked his eyes.

"You don't even care, do you?" She continued angrily and shook her head, "Why am I surprised by this?"

Hao stood abruptly, an action that startled her, and walked slowly back into the house without addressing the question. Anna followed him immediately with clenched teeth and balled her hands into fists at her sides. She hated being dismissed. She hated being ignored. And, she hated that Hao seemed to be the only person who did these things to her on a regular basis.

"You're supposed to care about what happens to me, Hao," she growled, "That's how this works."

When they reached the middle of the hallway he turned around abruptly and stared at her. His eyes were piercing and intense, revealing more emotion than she thought possible, and his expression shifted into a slight frown.

For some reason, she couldn't speak. His gaze was intimidating, something she would never admit to anyone, and she didn't know how to counter it.

"Do you want me to ask where you've been?" He replied. His voice was low and stern, sending chills down her spine as he spoke, "That's an unnecessary question. And, so would be asking who you were with all of this time."

Anna mumbled something under her breath but was unable to respond.

"I know you were with Yoh," he continued, "I know you've been with him this entire time. Why would I ask you questions if I already know the answers?"

"Is this jealousy?" She asked with an irritated frown, "Are you accusing me of something, Hao?"

"I'm not playing games with you, Anna," he responded as irritation began to infect his voice, "It's just as you said; you're not a child. Neither am I."

"You're obviously angry with me," she sighed, "So just spit it out, Hao. What is this?"

Hao walked away as if he didn't hear her words, and this infuriated her. She followed him quickly, hitting him in the back a few times with her fists, and began screaming at him.

"You have no right to be angry with me!" She yelled, "I didn't do anything with Yoh, and since you obviously know everything, you should know this!"

He stopped his pace but didn't turn around. She tried to gather her thoughts, but she was unable to stop herself from an emotional outburst as the anger flooded her senses.

"He's broken, Hao," she seethed, "And, it's all your fault! You took everything away from him, and you didn't even have to. He's out there contemplating suicide because he thinks he doesn't have a purpose! How could you do this to him? How can you claim to love me and do this?!"

"Tell me exactly what you think I did, Anna," he replied blankly.

She opened her mouth quickly to respond but was caught off guard by the request.

"Did I cheat on him?" He continued, "Did I lie to him for months, knowing I was going to leave? Did I leave him, and then blame his breakdown on his brother?"

Anna's eyes filled with tears quickly as he spoke, but his words increased her anger.

"Did I force him to attack me, Anna?" He asked as he turned around to face her, "I want to understand exactly what you mean by this being all of my fault. Clarify it for me."

Her eyes narrowed as the tears rolled down her cheeks and settled into the fabric of the robe, but she didn't speak.

"You can't be that delusional," he continued despite her tears, "Which means you must not remember the facts. For instance, you blamed me for the miscarriage because I attacked Yoh, although _you_ stepped in after I told you not to. I told you I was going to kill him, but you decided not to let it go. I would not have done it if I knew beforehand that you were going to save him. But, was the end result my fault?"

"That's not fair," she whispered under her breath and sniffed audibly.

"So, who killed this baby?" He asked as his voice elevated slightly, "A baby, by the way, that I was willing to accept as my own, even though I knew she was Yoh's daughter. Who is this culprit? No, let's use another example."

"Stop," she said weakly but was ignored.

"Who really set all of these events into motion?" He continued, "Did I cast a spell and whisk you away to my secret dungeon to poison your mind? Did I use the same spell to drive Yoh into insanity? Or, did I compel you to run into flames despite being pregnant?"

"I said stop it," she repeated as her voice elevated.

"Since you won't answer any of my questions, Anna," he sighed, "I'll answer them for you. _You_ cheated on Yoh and lead him on for months. I did not pursue you until _you_ gave me permission. _You_ left Yoh, which propelled his anger and frustration toward me and eventually led him on a hunt for my blood. You even cheated on me after leaving Yoh and became pregnant, an action you still won't admit, and left him again to come back to me. He tried to kill me, although you didn't seem to object to _that_ idea but only that the action was going to ultimately kill him. And, after knowing the danger involved, you put yourself and that baby in danger by saving him and ended up having a miscarriage. Did I leave anything out?"

Anna slapped him suddenly, clenching her teeth and taking a step back. Despite the cold delivery, Hao was completely correct in his assessment, and guilt was now fueling her anger.

"You know," he said indifferently after several seconds of silence, "I completely understand why you think this is my fault now. It makes perfect sense."

"What do you want from me Hao?!" She blurted angrily as she began wiping the tears from her face with the sleeve from her robe, "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't want anything from you," he replied quickly, "Nothing at all."

They stared at each other silently for several moments. Anna's eyes were stressed, and she stood in front of him with rigid uneasiness. The anger was beginning to subside but was now being replaced with a deep emptiness. A sinking hole surfaced in the pit of her stomach, and she couldn't keep it at bay. Hao did not break his eye contact, concentrating on the weariness in her expression. He wasn't as angry as his statements sounded, but the frustration had built up over time, causing this impromptu outburst.

Honestly they were both surprised by this development. This was the first time they ever addressed anything negative in their relationship. There was a dangerous habit of not talking; frustration would translate into anger and anger into arousal. The silence unfortunately made this cycle much easier to surface. Anna was frustrated with her inability to be strong; it was the one personality trait she loved about herself, but it almost completely disappeared when she chose to be with Hao. She blinked her eyes a few times and exhaled. It was coming soon, and for some reason she didn't have the desire to stop it.

Hao admitted to himself long ago that sex was not the most normal or healthy way to deal with a situation like this, but he knew she was waiting for something to transpire. He really wanted to talk about this. No, he wanted the robe to disappear. Hao needed some assurance that they were on the same page. No, he could care less whether she wanted to be there or not. He loved Anna deeply. She was such a nuisance. His conflicting thoughts began to encircle his brain in a random pattern, something he didn't experience before being with her.

"Anna, this doesn't make any sense," he said finally. He knew she was listening to him, but she advanced quickly, crashing into his torso and attacking his lips.

If he wasn't going to do it...

One of these days they would have to practice self control. He knew this was a problem; she knew it was a problem. One day their issues would have to be handled in a mature and normal manner. There were many things she needed to say but couldn't find the words. His kisses were distracting, and gathering her thoughts was nearly impossible when being bitten. He needed her to know how he felt, but he couldn't concentrate with her pulling his hair and digging her fingernails into his skin. She needed the emptiness to go away; he needed to know this wasn't the end. This fix was temporary and evident to them both. But, it would have to do for now.

This was much easier than talking.

* * *

The restaurant was devoid of customers; it was still early in the day, and many were still eating late breakfasts and brunches. Yoh and Tamao sat across from each other in a large booth near a window. He had ordered the largest sundae sold there complete with sprinkles, fudge and whipped cream and was eating it with a childish grin and twinkling eyes. Tamao did not order ice cream, opting to watch him, and she sat rigidly in the seat with her hands clasped together on top of the table. She would smile weakly during the instances when he would look up at her with an amused giggle, baring all of his teeth, but her frown returned quickly once he focused on the ice cream.

"Oh," he chuckled, "There's bits of fruit in here. Cool."

"That's nice, Yoh," Tamao replied faintly.

"Are you sure you don't want any?" He asked cheerfully, "I can save you some."

"I don't want any," she replied blankly.

They sat in silence a few moments more as her eyes filled suddenly with tears. He didn't notice the emotion until she whispered something audible under her breath:

"I can't do this anymore."

Yoh stared at her with a concerned frown, placing the spoon delicately against the edge of the bowl. She wasn't looking at him but stared at the table as her clasped hands became a cupped fist.

"What's wrong, Tamao?" He asked sadly.

"Yoh," she paused in an attempt to gather her thoughts but blurted them anyway, "I can't do this with you anymore. I don't know how to help you. I don't know what to do."

"Tamao," he replied, but she continued her emotional revelation.

"I can't marry you."

"What?" He seemed shocked by the simple statement and frowned, "What do you mean?"

"I'm not trying to abandon you," she sniffed, "But, you need something I can't give you."

"What do you think I need?" He asked weakly.

"I don't know," she sighed, shrugging her shoulders weakly, "I don't know."

Yoh stared at the table for a few seconds as if considering her words carefully, then slid out of the booth without speaking. Tamao's tears increased as he walked away, but after moments of regaining her composure she followed him outside of the restaurant.

"Yoh," she said sadly, "Please don't be angry with me."

He continued walking down the sidewalk as if he didn't hear her request, and she increased her pace when noticing he was pulling away from her.

"Yoh?" She called again, "Talk to me. Say something."

Tamao's tears returned the longer he walked silently ahead of her. His hands were buried in the pockets of his jeans, but his body language didn't reveal his mood. She wiped her face quickly with the sleeve of her shirt and sped to a light jog to catch up.

"Yoh?" She repeated, "Just-"

"I'm going back to the house," he interrupted without turning around, "Don't come with me."

"We need to talk about this," she pleaded.

"I don't want to talk to you."

His tone was cold and stern, triggering overwhelming guilt and sadness that was evident in her eyes. He didn't see this expression, however, and continued his walk. She stopped in her tracks and watched him leave, something that seemed to relieve him. He couldn't pinpoint whether or not he was angry. It was exactly as he said; he just didn't want to talk to her. Somehow her words stung his chest and burned through his body like a branding iron. She had wounded him without being aware, and he didn't know how to deal with it. He didn't want to deal with it; he just wanted to walk. It was useless to ponder the reason for her confession. He knew the catalyst, and it was something he expected on some level. No one seemed eager to go along with his delusional attempt to be normal. Yoh was past that; they all were.

Things were never going to be the same. He just needed to accept it.

Yoh approached the house quickly, but he frowned slightly when reaching the front door. Honestly, he didn't realize he walked that far; he had been so consumed with his thoughts he wasn't paying much attention. With a brief moment of frustrated mumbling, he entered the house slowly with his hands clenched into fists at his sides. When he reached the hallway that lead to his bedroom he stopped abruptly at the entrance.

Pirika had been leaning against the wall and was startled by his arrival. She stared at him with marked fear; he was certain she was alone somehow, and she stood abruptly in front of him.

"Where are they?" Yoh asked weakly. He wasn't sure why he asked this question; he didn't care.

"There's no one else here," she replied with a whisper.


	10. Regroup from Regret

**Regroup from Regret**

Yoh began pacing back and forth in the hallway in front of her and mumbled something under his breath she didn't hear. Pirika knew he was angry for some reason, but decided not to ask about it. There was also increasing discomfort with being in the house with him alone, and she felt she missed her opportunity to escape. He stopped his pace abruptly, burying his hands deep into the pockets of his pants, and stared at her with a frustrated frown.

"What's wrong?" She whispered the question as if she had no will to project her voice. It really wasn't necessary for him to answer; she just didn't want him to hit her.

"Do you think I'm crazy?" he asked bitterly.

"What?"

"Tell me the truth," he demanded as his voice elevated slightly. "You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

"I think..." she hesitated as a terrible chill enveloped her spine. "I think you're unstable."

His frown faded when she made the statement, and he stared at her with wounded eyes. Pirika pressed her back tightly against the wall and began tapping the surface with her fingers. Her obvious discomfort seemed to increase his sadness, and his eyes began to fill with tears.

"Are you afraid of me?" he whimpered weakly.

"Yes," she said quickly without hesitation.

He walked past her abruptly and entered her bedroom, ignoring her panic. She followed him uneasily and watched as he sat on her bed and rested his hands in his lap.

"Sit with me," he offered sadly.

"I don't want to," she blurted nervously.

"Please," he sighed.

She scratched her neck briefly before reluctantly obeying his request. There was a great amount of distance between them when she sat down, but he moved closer and held her hand.

"Don't touch me." She didn't intend for the statement to sound cold, but she couldn't control her tone.

Yoh removed his hand abruptly and took a deep breath. Pirika stared at the floor and clasped her hands tightly in her lap.

"I'm sorry," he said finally. His voice was frail and revealed the regret and frustration that filled his brain.

Pirika took a short breath but decided not to respond.

"I know I hurt you," he sighed. "I know I scared you. There's no way I can take that back. But, honestly, there's no way I can promise you it won't happen again."

"You shouldn't say things like that," she replied with irritation. "That's why people think you're crazy."

"I don't like hurting people," he groaned. "I don't want to. But..."

He paused and briefly closed his eyes. She shifted her weight against the bed and faced him, feeling her fear beginning to subside.

"You really don't remember what you did?" Pirika's question sounded like an accusation and revealed slight frustration.

"No," he replied sadly.

"So, what happens?" she asked curiously. "When you have these episodes, what are you thinking about?"

"I'm angry," he groaned. "Always angry, and I can't get rid of it. I get a headache. And then there's always someone around looking at me like I'm insane."

"You're blacking out," she confirmed, "and, I think I know why."

Yoh turned to face her and moved close enough for their legs to touch. If she had an answer he needed to hear it. He wanted his life back and felt it slowly slipping away each day.

"Tamao."

Her simple answer confused him, and he frowned at her.

"What?" he whispered.

"She's fueling this anger," she explained. "That's why most of it is directed at her."

"I'm not angry with her," he rebutted, and she rolled her eyes.

"You resent her for not being Anna," she sighed. "She's trying to replace her, but she can't. At least, that's what your brain is telling you. You're angry because she's here and Anna isn't."

"Tamao is my best friend," he replied. "She's helped me with so much, and she's always here when I need her. How can I be angry with her?"

"I just told you," she groaned impatiently. "You want to be with Anna. It doesn't matter what you say or do; that will never change. And, having Tamao so close just reminds you of what you've lost."

Yoh bit his bottom lip and contemplated her words with a frustrated frown. He scratched his head softly then dropped his hands heavily into his lap.

"I don't know what to do," he said weakly.

"You haven't noticed how pleasant you are when she's not here?" Pirika added. "She irritates you; it's obvious."

"I pushed her away," he said and closed his eyes. "She broke off the engagement."

"Getting married is the last thing you need to do right now," she said with a relieved sigh. "I was happy about it at first, but that was before I knew you were unstable."

He seemed offended by the assessment but didn't speak.

"You can move forward now," she said and then added under her breath, "I'm absolutely sure she'll be fine."

"You're talking about Ren?" His random question seemed to increase her frustration, and she groaned.

"No, I wasn't...." She paused, deciding not to say anything else.

"Okay," he replied sheepishly.

"It's disgusting," she added bitterly.

"What?" He whispered the question with a confused expression, but she continued.

"Nothing," she said quickly. "It doesn't matter. He can do whatever he wants; he's an adult."

"But, we live together," Yoh replied blankly. "We have to respect everyone's space."

"What are you talking about, Yoh?" she demanded as her voice elevated.

"I mean, with them sleeping together," he sighed. "It's very annoying."

A pang rose in the pit of her stomach as he spoke, but he seemed to ignore her shock.

"I knew she was marrying me because she wanted to help," he continued, "but, I didn't think she would be involved with someone else. Maybe you're right. Maybe that frustrated me; I felt betrayed or something. I don't know. But, I haven't been sleeping much lately; you hear things. It's more annoying than anything else, I guess."

Pirika stood quickly from the bed and held her hands over her face. Yoh joined her and bit his bottom lip.

"Did I say something wrong?" he asked weakly.

"No," she said abruptly and quickly wiped the tears that were forming. "It's done."

"What's done?"

"I can't believe I'm surprised," she mumbled. "Never mind. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"I..." He suddenly realized what was happening and sighed. "I thought you knew about it. I thought everyone did."

"It's fine, Yoh," she replied dismissively. "It's done. We're done. Ren and I are over, so let's move on."

"You two were together?" he frowned. "When?"

"I said it's done," she seethed. "Change the subject."

"He was...cheating on you?" He said the words slowly as if trying to piece together a puzzle in his brain.

"Yoh," she groaned and rolled her eyes, but he continued.

"With Tamao?" Nausea began to attack his stomach. "You didn't know because they were hiding it. And...I just told you?"

"Yoh, I don't want to talk about this," she said as the tears returned.

"I wasn't talking about sex," he added quickly. "I really don't know if they were doing that. But, she left my room all the time to sleep with him, and they would talk and stuff--"

"Don't try to fix it," she groaned. "You don't have to cover for her. She dumped you, remember?"

Yoh fell silent and stared at the floor. He definitely said too much, and the humiliation made looking at her nearly impossible.

"It's okay, Yoh," she said softly, although her eyes revealed slight rage. "This isn't your fault."

"How can I make this better?" he asked weakly. "Let me know how to fix this for you."

"Yoh," she exhaled, but he continued.

"I need to make it up to you," he said gravely. "Tell me something you want to do."

"What?"

"I'll take you anywhere you want to go," he smiled. "We can do anything you want. Just you and me."

"You can take me to the park," she suggested after careful deliberation.

"The park?" he replied and frowned at her in slight confusion.

"I don't want to see them when they get back," she explained, "and, we can get some fresh air."

"Okay," he said warmly, "let's get out of here."

* * *

Anna sat on the futon limply as fatigue seemed to overwhelm her body. She wore a pair of denim jeans with a loose t shirt, a sort of transition outfit, and stared blankly at the television. Although the screen was blank--the power was off--she seemed content with staring at it. This was much better than watching him.

Hao paced briskly near the futon with an aggravated expression. He had been fully dressed for some time wearing a buttoned black shirt with heavy denim jeans. There were no words exchanged between them at this point; she had no energy to start another argument, and he was too angry to express his thoughts.

"Talk to me, Anna," he said, finally dispelling the silence. "Just say it."

She didn't respond and stared into her lap at her hands.

"I'm not doing this with you anymore." He stopped his pacing and stood in front of her, folding his arms tightly over his chest. "You're either in this or not. I don't want you here if you don't want to be here."

Anna closed her eyes and scratched her neck as he spoke. Somehow his words increased her fatigue, and the exhaustion began to irritate her.

"I'm not a toy you can just play with when Yoh bores you," he growled. "And, I will not share you with him."

"What do you want me to say?" she asked weakly. "I don't want to fight with you."

"This isn't a fight," he countered. "I want an answer from you right now."

"I love him," she blurted bitterly. "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Anna paused after making the statement. She didn't intend to confess such a thing and was now mortified that he was staring at her.

"You love Yoh more than you love me." Hao's statement definitely wasn't a question. He seemed to be stating fact as he saw the situation. "Or, you don't really love me at all. I was just a vacation?"

"Hao--," she sighed but he ignored her.

"So, this is why you've been blaming me for everything that has happened with us," he groaned. "Because you feel guilty for leaving him. Coming here was a mistake for you, and you want to leave."

"I've never said that," she sighed, "Hao I never--"

"You really don't have to say anything," he interrupted. "You don't want to be with me? You want Yoh?"

"I don't know," she whispered as tears began to fill her eyes. "I don't know what to say."

"I'll make this easier for you," he said, pausing to clench his teeth and repel the approaching tears. "This is over, Anna."

She stood abruptly as though she didn't hear his statement clearly, and an overwhelming rush of sadness flushed her face with a red hue. Hao wasn't looking at her and dropped his arms heavily at his sides.

"What?" This was the only thing she could force out of her mouth. She was confused and slightly offended, and she wanted an explanation.

"I love you," he said weakly, "but you don't love me. I won't fall any deeper into this just for you to decide on a whim you're leaving. We can end this nonsense now."

"Nonsense?" she mumbled in confusion. "I wouldn't--"

"You don't know what you want." He walked away a few steps until she was behind him. "I know what I want. I want you. But, I won't force you to feel what I feel. Maybe Yoh can't let you go, but I can. You can get out of my house."

Anna was deeply offended by his delivery, something that became much of a habit, but she couldn't argue with him. He was right, and she knew it. Hao seemed to possess a clarity she long abandoned, and she hated the woman she had become. With every impulsive decision she left a trail of pain for someone, no matter how many times she tried to convince herself otherwise. She knew he loved her; he loved her enough to let her go. It was a love she didn't have the courage to possess. Perhaps Yoh didn't either.

"I'll pack my things," she said finally after several seconds of silence.

He didn't respond and left the room quickly, walking swiftly down the hallway and outside onto the front steps. She flinched and closed her eyes when she heard the door slam and stared at the wall briefly before allowing her tears to stream down her cheeks.


	11. Stealing the Moment

**Stealing the Moment**

As the clouds blanketed the sky and overpowered the sun, Pirika sped her pace along the dirt path. The wind increased in pace and swirled around them in random patterns, stirring detached leaves from their resting places on the grass. A few small pebbles rolled along the path as if guided by this growing wind, and a sudden cold sensation covered her arms.

Yoh didn't seem to notice the change in the weather. He was walking beside her but at a slower pace with a distracted demeanor. Pirika noticed the distance but did not address his silence for several minutes. They had passed the park almost an hour before but continued their walk without discussing the plan. Walking became therapeutic in some way. Pirika's anger was obvious; Yoh didn't want to pinch another nerve, and he couldn't find a way to comfort her.

But, the real reason he was unable to be a shoulder for her to cry on was far more complicated than him being uncomfortable with her situation. The truth was that he couldn't give her the emotional support she needed because he was spent. Too many months passed with his stress and emotional wounds exposed, and now he had no energy left. He wanted to disappear and escape his thoughts.

He didn't want to think at all.

"Yoh?" Pirika's soft voice startled him slightly, and he frowned when she stopped walking.

"Yes?" He tried to sound calm, but grief quickly conquered his already failing voice.

She faced him slowly and folded her arms tightly over her chest. Her limbs trembled slightly from the temperature, but she ignored it and stared at him. Yoh looked away as quickly as their eyes made contact. Something about her concerned gaze was deeply uncomfortable, and he felt his thoughts were transparent.

"I want to help you," she said weakly, "even if I can't help myself."

He didn't understand what she meant by the statement but nodded.

"Do you think you'll ever move on?" Pirika bit her bottom lip and took a step forward.

"What do you mean?" Yoh stared at her neck briefly but quickly looked away.

"Can you find someone else?" she sighed. "Or, will you never be able to let her go?"

"I don't know."

The hesitation in his voice bothered her. There was no way she could compare her situation with his. She thought she was in love with Ren, but their relationship seemed forced. And, the situation with Tamao made her realize that perhaps he didn't feel the same way. Yoh and Anna were different. They were never affectionate and didn't seem to have a romantic relationship. But, Pirika could always look into his eyes and feel the truth. Yoh's feelings were always obvious to everyone in the house. No one would stare at a woman so intensely without an emotional attachment. He seemed happy even when she was angry with him. It was so--

This was definitely not the same thing. Perhaps she was approaching this all wrong. She definitely wasn't a therapist, and she knew the answers to her questions even if he didn't. Yoh would never be able to move on. He had no real life or purpose without Anna. His love for her was too intense to leave her behind. There was no one else he could ever love more deeply.

And, there was nothing else he could do.

"You need her back," Pirika said finally and held his hand.

"What?" He frowned at her nervously. "I can't. I have to move on. You've said that. Everyone has said that."

"You have to fight for her," she continued. "Yoh, she loves you. She's...just confused right now. You have to tell her how you feel, and you have to make her listen."

"It's too late for that," he sighed bitterly. "I can't keep going back and torturing myself. I'll never be able to move on with my life."

"You call this moving on, Yoh?" she asked with irritation. "I've never seen you so weak. Maybe she makes you strong. You can't be strong if you're not happy."

"I'm fine," he replied. "She made her decision, and I'll live with it. If she wants to be with Hao, I can't object. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired of fighting. I just want to move on."

"Yoh--"

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," he said quickly. "Just let it go."

Yoh pulled away from her and continued walking down the dirt path. Pirika stared at his back a few moments before following, and she bit her bottom lip when she noticed his trembling hands. His head was lowered slightly, and he tried quickening his pace, but there was no way he could hide his expression from her.

He was crying again.

She didn't know how to handle this. Pirika was so used to him being angry and violent she was unprepared for this sudden change. He wiped his face quickly with the sleeve of his shirt and dug his hands deep into the pockets of his pants. She increased her pace until beside him and grabbed his hand again.

"You don't have to be unhappy, Yoh," she said gently. "You don't have to be miserable."

"I don't want to talk about this," he sniffed. "I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to feel anything."

"You're in love with her," she sighed. "It's not a switch you can turn on and off."

The wind blew heavier than before, slapping a few broken branches against their feet. Darkness invaded from far reaching corners of the sky, and moisture began to escape a few of the clouds.

"That part of my life is over," he said sternly. "I'm not going back."

They continued walking in silence, and she held his hand. He didn't protest the action but didn't look at her, and they listened intently to the crumpling sound of leaves beneath their feet. Pirika wanted to continue the conversation, but she didn't want to anger him. She didn't realize how stubborn Yoh was until Anna left, but perhaps this quality was a result of her departure. Anna was the common denominator in all of their troubles; it was evident to her now. The only way to get things back to normal would be to get her back, but since Yoh no longer possessed the will to fight for her, Pirika feared their lives would never be the same again.

* * *

Anna walked slowly down the hallway in silence. She couldn't believe their relationship had come to this crossroad, and now she was wondering if this course of action was correct. Hao hadn't spoken to her since she went into the bedroom to pack her belongings; he was still outside, and she was very apprehensive about facing him. She carried two bags, one in each hand, and paused when reaching the front door. This felt so familiar to her, and rightfully so. It was close to the situation with Yoh, except he hadn't kicked her out of the house. Regret and guilt quickly filled her brain as she opened the door, and as she stepped out onto the front steps she placed her bags delicately against the wood and paused.

Hao was staring at the looming trees in the distance. He didn't move when he felt her presence, and when she sat beside him he didn't look at her. As he rested his arms against his bent knees he scratched his head with his hand and dropped it heavily to its resting place.

They sat in silence for several minutes. Hao decided while she was inside the house he would not speak to her once she returned. He wasn't angry exactly, but he needed to keep his composure. His pride would not to allow him to break down in front of her. After all, he made this decision. He broke off the engagement. He ended their relationship. He shouldn't feel--

"I never meant to hurt you," she said suddenly, disturbing his random thoughts. "I hope you know that."

"I know," he replied weakly.

"I love you." She bit her bottom lip and paused, wondering if it was the right thing to say. "I do."

"You don't have to explain," he rebutted.

She stared at the grass aimlessly, lacking the will to speak or stand.

"I knew this would end at some point," he added finally. "It wasn't meant to be."

"What?" Anna was deeply surprised by the statement and frowned.

"I could never have all of your heart," he explained with slight bitterness. "He would have to die first, and even then it probably wouldn't matter."

She was unsure if he was serious, but she didn't respond.

"We were fooling ourselves, weren't we?" he asked blankly.

"I suppose," she replied weakly.

"I know where you're going," he sighed. "You don't have to hide it from me."

"I'm not going to see Yoh," she protested. "I need time to--"

"You want him back," he groaned. "Don't lie to me."

The cool wind disturbed her silence; her body shivered as the delicate skin blistered with small goosebumps, and she held her breath for a few seconds before exhaling heavily. Hao noticed the decreasing temperature, observing the looming darkness, but he did not react.

"Will I ever see you again?" Anna was unsure of why she asked this question but grew weary of second guessing her decisions.

"Probably," he replied weakly. "I won't move away, and neither will you."

She smiled weakly, but the expression quickly faded as she stared at the trees.

"There's a storm coming," he said softly. "You should leave ahead of it."

There was a portion of her heart that wanted him to fight for her, but she knew he would never do such a thing. Months ago she would have attributed this to arrogance, but now she realized it was something deeper. As insensitive as Hao seemed to most people, he wanted her to be happy, and the possibility of her being happy with Yoh wasn't frightening. She envied his clarity mostly because she lost her focus somewhere in the midst of this chaos.

"Thank you," she said softly and stood in front of him. "Thank you, Hao."

"Goodbye, Anna." He smiled at her calmly and stood.

She closed her eyes briefly as he stepped closer and kissed her gently on the cheek.

"Goodbye...Hao," she whispered when he released her.

Anna grabbed the handles for her bags again and watched silently as Hao reentered the house. He did not turn around again, and she briefly closed her eyes when the door was closed. She stared out into the woods for a moment and exhaled. Guilt, remorse, sadness and slight anger began to consume her senses, and she needed to escape. There was no specific destination in mind, but she needed to go somewhere.

Anywhere.

She began walking along the dirt path as the looming trees swayed vigorous leaves in the distance. The chill in the air was becoming troublesome, but she didn't seem to notice the change. As she glanced briefly at the sky, the dark clouds that overpowered the sun threatened the current atmosphere, and she knew the storm would catch her. After all, she couldn't go back to Yoh's house. It would be inappropriate and arrogant to assume he would want her there.

But, this presented a new problem. The truth was that she had nowhere else to go. Hao would not have allowed her to leave if he knew this, but he assumed she would go back to Yoh's house. She couldn't roam through the woods indefinitely. That was simply impractical, and eventually she would be hungry. Shelter would be necessary because of the approaching rain. She could get sick out in the elements and--

_Stop it._

The thought lingered in her mind as she stood in the middle of a clearing and closed her eyes. She wasn't being honest with herself. Anna didn't need shelter. She didn't even need food. She needed--

This wouldn't be easy. She would have to swallow her pride and even admit her mistakes, but perhaps this was worth it. This was the time to be honest, no matter how vulnerable she would become.

"Anna?"

She opened her eyes abruptly and dropped her bags. He had been standing in front of her for several seconds silently before deciding to speak. When he took a step forward after brief hesitation, she realized he wasn't alone.

"Yoh," she replied abruptly. "Pirika--"

"What are you doing out here?" he interrupted weakly.

Anna paused and stared at his feet. She had to do this now while her pride was momentarily stunned.

"Um, Anna?" Pirika called worriedly. "Are you okay?"

"You can't marry her, Yoh," she blurted suddenly, ignoring Pirika's question.

"What?" Yoh's expression revealed his confusion, and Pirika stood beside him in shock.

"Tamao," she clarified with irritation. "You can't marry Tamao."

"Um..." Pirika hesitated and scratched her neck. "I'm going...somewhere...so you can talk."

She began walking away from them, but Yoh gently grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"You don't have to leave," he replied. "This won't take long."

Anna was offended by the statement but didn't speak.

"Really," Pirika pleaded. "You need to talk to her, Yoh. I can leave."

"If she has something she needs to say, she can say it here," he responded bitterly. "Stay."

Pirika smiled weakly and obeyed his request, but the discomfort was obvious in her expression.

"What is this, Anna?" Yoh demanded with a frustrated tone. "What are you talking about, and why are you here?"

Anna closed her eyes briefly, holding one hand over her face and exhaled. She knew what she wanted to say but had no idea how she wanted to say it. This would probably be her last chance. Both her pride and his anger would never allow it again. Without much thought, she blurted the first thing that surfaced in her mind.

"I need you."


	12. Finding Clarity

**Finding Clarity**

"What?"

A few cold drops of rain fell gently into his hair when he responded, and the air chilled his bones. Anna paused for several seconds and stared at his neck as Pirika held her breath. The silence that resumed between them was torturous; she needed to elaborate but was finding the words difficult to uncover. Yoh definitely heard what she said but seemed greatly confused.

"Yoh," she sighed weakly, swallowing hard before she continued, "I've made so many mistakes, and I can't take them back. I thought...I thought there was something missing. I left because there was a void in my life I couldn't fill. But, now...I realize things were empty because I made assumptions that I shouldn't have made. I left instead of just talking to you. And, it was the biggest mistake of my life."

Pirika scratched her neck and stared at her with widened eyes. Anna was never one to admit any mistakes. This was new territory for all of them, and she was suddenly afraid.

"I wanted you to love me," she continued and bit her bottom lip briefly. "I should have trusted you. What I'm trying to say is...I'm sorry."

"Finally," Pirika whispered under her breath but was ignored.

"What happened?" Yoh asked suddenly and clenched his hands into fists.

"What are you talking-"

"Hao dumped you?" he continued bitterly. "He kicked you out?"

Pirika stared at the bags near Anna's feet briefly but didn't speak.

"This has nothing to do with Hao," she sighed.

"It has everything to do with him," Yoh growled and stepped forward. "Answer my question."

"Yoh, please stop," Pirika pleaded weakly. "She's trying to apologize. Just listen to her."

"You have every right to be angry with me," Anna continued as she tried to keep the rising anger at bay.

"Answer the question," he repeated. "He broke up with you?"

"It was a mutual decision, Yoh," she groaned. "It's irrelevant now."

"So you decided to try coming back to me? You want to pretend none of this happened and start over?"

"Yoh-"

"This is not some game, Anna," he seethed. "I'm not a toy. You can't just pick me up from the shelf when you're bored with Hao."

Where did she hear that before? Her thoughts jumbled uncontrollably in her head, and her frustration quickly swelled. Yoh had the same stubbornness as his brother when he was angry; it was something she never noticed until now, and the thought increased her irritation.

"I'll save you some time," he continued. "Keep your apology. I don't even believe you. How can I? You told me less than twenty four hours ago to let you go. So that's what I'm doing."

"Yoh, come on," Pirika whined.

"Why are you acting like this?" Anna's irritation was evident in her tone, and her eyes narrowed. "I'm trying to be honest with you."

"No, you want to clear your conscience," he snarled. "This has nothing to do with me."

For several seconds she didn't respond and stared at him with narrowed eyes. The raindrops grew larger in size and fell heavily against her shoulders. Yoh's frustrated scowl didn't change as they exchanged in this strange staring contest, but he quickly clenched the seam of his jeans tightly with his hands.

"You're wrong, Yoh," she said weakly. The frailty in her voice was deeply troublesome, and Pirika briefly held her hand over her mouth when she spoke.

"You should be honest about it," Yoh growled. "Stop lying to me. For once during all of this it would have been nice for you to just tell the truth, Anna."

"You don't hate me," she blurted and took a few steps forward. "I know you don't hate me. You're angry. You're in pain. You're lashing out because-"

"Stop pretending you know anything about me," he interrupted bitterly. Anna paused and stared at him with a confused expression, and Pirika seemed to share her sentiment.

"I know you, Yoh," she sighed weakly. "I know how you think and what you-"

"You know nothing about me, Anna," he continued, deciding not to give her the chance to finish her thoughts. "Not anymore. I'm not in pain. I faced it; it's over. And, so are we."

"Yoh, you're being a jerk," Pirika protested. "You don't mean that. Stop it."

"I am not a fool," he sighed and scratched his neck. "You've already made a fool of me once, and I won't let you do it again. It's that simple. I don't need this. I don't need you."

Pirika couldn't believe what she was hearing. She wanted them to talk about their issues, but this was unexpected. Yoh's words severed her skin like ruthless daggers, and pangs of devastation and resentment traveled quickly through her limbs.

The storm no longer held back its downpour. Thick sections of rain fell onto the ground forming large puddles, and the new wet atmosphere dramatically increased the chilling wind. Anna's hair and clothes were completely saturated; her delicate skin was visible through the thin dress she wore and a few strands of her hair were stuck to her forehead. Pirika folded her arms tightly over her chest and trembled as the cold water overwhelmed her. Although Yoh knew it was raining, he didn't seem to care about them becoming wet. The water rolled heavily against his back, but he didn't move.

"I never thought you would say something so terrible," Anna whimpered weakly, "and untrue."

When he didn't reply she continued.

"I deserve this anger." Her voice elevated from the heavy cadence of the rain surrounding them. "I know there is nothing I can say to change the past. But, I know this can be fixed. I know you need me, Yoh. And, I know this because I know you."

"Yoh, please," Pirika sniffed sadly. "Listen to her."

Yoh continued staring at her silently as wet strands of his saturated hair pulled heavily against his neck and shoulders. The previous scowl faded, but there was an expression in his eyes neither of them could decipher. Pirika's fear increased as she waited for a response. She wanted so desperately for him to let go of his anger. This was the only thing in her mind he needed. Anna paused briefly and took four painful steps forward. The water increased the weight of her dress significantly, and his unwavering eyes shattered her confidence.

"Yoh..." She hesitated suddenly and bit her bottom lip. His gaze was too intimidating, forcing her to glance at his neck before whispering, "I love you."

He didn't hear the words but knew from the movement of her lips his thoughts were correct. Pirika gasped lightly and clenched her folded arms. The wind grew mercilessly and seemed to freeze their movements. Anna stepped forward slowly until she stood inches in front of his face before continuing her thoughts.

"Tell me it's not too late," she pleaded as tears quickly mixed with the rest of the water. "Tell me it's not too late for us."

The rain began to slow in pace suddenly as she strained to keep herself from breaking down this close in front of him. Pirika held her breath briefly and stared at her feet. Anna's pain was evident, and her body overflowed with sympathy for the woman. She always believed during this that Anna was confused, that Hao manipulated her somehow and she just needed time to see the reality. Whether or not her assessment was correct was irrelevant. This was just the only thing in her mind that made sense. Yoh and Anna were destined to be together. They were the only constant in Pirika's life, and she needed this to be resolved for her own sanity.

Because if something as sure as the bond between them could fail, where was the hope for the rest of them?

Yoh stared into her eyes wearily without speaking. Honestly, he was pained to see her in this way. Her pain directly triggered his pain. And, for the most part he couldn't bear to see her cry. The anger subsided long ago, but the draining emotion was quickly replaced with overpowering fear. Things were revolving again. In the beginning he blamed himself for pushing her away. This regret quickly grew into jealousy and anger when she left. But now confusion clouded his judgment. He didn't know what to feel. Anna was now standing in front of him, almost beaten, saying all of the things he wanted her to say. She was admitting all of the things he needed to hear from her. But her words gave him no comfort. Her words stung like bitter poison, and he knew he would never recover.

This was definitely the end of the journey. The decision he would make in this moment would surely alter their lives forever.

"Please say something," Anna's frail whisper tortured his entire body. Pirika stared at him again with her eyes widened. She was desperate for an answer as well and couldn't hide her eagerness.

"Anna," he replied softly, pausing briefly to swallow an unpleasant metal taste in his mouth, "what do you want from me?"

"I don't understand," she whimpered. Her thoughts were too jumbled to decipher any riddles.

"Do you want my love," he continued, "or my forgiveness?"

She quickly met his eyes and did not repel the tears that stained her face.

"I can only give you one of them completely."

Pirika's expression quickly faded into a confused frown. His words made no sense to her, and she was growing irritated with the torture. Yoh stared at her with a brown discernment that made her knees weak. Anna understood what he meant just by looking into his eyes. She wiped her face quickly and smiled weakly, ignoring Pirika's surprised gasps.

"I was wrong," she sighed. "You understand me more than I ever imagined."

"I know," he replied.

_What's going on?_ Pirika held her hand over her face suddenly and groaned. What were they doing? This conversation didn't make any sense and she wanted them to stop teasing her.

"Thank you, Yoh." Anna held his hand gently and smiled at him. "Thank you for your kindness."

He pulled her closer and pulled the wet strands of her hair delicately from her face. Their eyes met once more before he kissed her softly on the forehead and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She pulled his waist and tightened the embrace. He knew she didn't want to let him go, and he was content with staying there as long as possible. Pirika smiled cautiously at them but after taking a few steps forward she whispered bitterly:

"What just happened?"


	13. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_Two years later_

Pirika stood silently in front of the wooden railing staring at the slow stream below. The wind was slightly cool against her bare arms, and the evening sky was devoid of clouds, revealing a magnificent purplish haze from the moon. The baby blue evening gown she wore was much more comfortable than expected; the hem brushed the slim sandals at her feet, and one of the delicate, thin straps fell lightly against her shoulder. She propped her elbow against the wood and rested her head, releasing a heavy sigh as the nearby trees swayed in the distance.

"There you are!" She didn't notice Horo's approaching footsteps, and when he stood beside her he began tapping his hands against the flat surface of the railing.

"Stop that," she sighed. He frowned in slight disgust and stuck his tongue out at her, but she smiled at him in response.

"What?" he asked.

"Have I ever told you how great you look in a tuxedo?" she replied warmly.

He began pulling at the black jacket and then readjusted his tie. "It's stuffy."

"Yeah, but you really look handsome."

They stood in silence for several seconds as the sound of the wind filled their ears. He moved over slightly until touching her arm and sighed.

"That was a beautiful wedding, wasn't it?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah," she admitted. "It was perfect."

"Hey," He turned to her quickly with a worried expression. "we don't have to stay for the party. No one will notice if we leave."

"No," she sighed. "All of our friends are in there. We should speak to them at least."

He seemed disappointed in her answer and held out his hand. "Let's go."

The ballroom was full of life when they entered. Many of the guests were dancing in the middle, and others sat at the beautifully adorned tables engrossed in various cheerful conversations. Pirika hated the scene because it felt too magical and royal, like they were summoned to attend a king's banquet. Horo just didn't want to dress up for the occasion. They made their way through the crowd quickly until Pirika felt someone grab her hand.

"Hey! I thought you left."

"Hi, Ryu." She smiled politely, glancing around him for her brother who was now out of sight.

"How are things going with you two?" he asked cheerfully. "Yoh told me you moved back to Hokkaido?"

"We're doing very well," she smiled. "Life has been very peaceful."

"That's great." He seemed relieved by her answer. "Lyserg and Manta are here. I heard Faust made it as well, but I haven't seen him."

"Maybe we'll run into each other," she suggested warmly.

"How about a dance?" Ryu held out his hand, refusing to be rejected.

"Sure," she said softly.

As he lead her to the center of the floor, she noticed her brother made it all the way to the other side. He was talking to someone, but she couldn't make out the person since there were so many people in the way.

"Hi, Horo," he said warmly. "It's been too long."

"Lyserg," he replied. "Yoh said you were coming. I'm glad you're here."

"I wouldn't miss a day this important." Lyserg smiled at him. "You remember my wife, Jeanne?"

"Yeah," Horo replied when he saw the woman standing behind him. "Hi."

"Hi," she replied dryly. Horo was unsure if she was uncomfortable or irritated. She didn't look at him and quickly excused herself.

"What's wrong with her?" he asked with a frown.

"I'm not sure," Lyserg sighed. "She's been like this all day."

Jeanne made her way through the crowd with diligence. She had to find a restroom fast and didn't want to stain her yellow evening gown. When she finally saw a sign for the ladies room, she bolted into a sprint and almost fell when bursting through the door. She didn't address the woman who was standing in front of the large vanity mirror and quickly entered the first stall.

"Are you okay?" she heard her say but couldn't reply. Her stomach began violent spasms, and she moaned weakly before releasing her dinner. After several minutes of vomiting mixed with short breaks of pained moans, she exited the stall and washed her face.

"You're pregnant?"

Jeanne stared into the mirror at the woman, and after blinking her eyes a few times she realized she knew her.

"Anna..." Her tone was unenthusiastic, and fatigued overwhelmed her frail body.

"Morning sickness?" she added.

Anna waited while she brushed her teeth with a travel size toothbrush and smiled when Jeanne stared at her protruding stomach.

"Six months," she said warmly, although she didn't ask her any questions.

"Are you afraid?" Jeanne asked timidly after a lengthy pause. Her face twisted into an expression of a frightened child, and her eyes began to fill with tears.

"No," Anna replied. "Neither should you be."

"He doesn't know," she whispered fearfully.

"This will work out," she said reassuringly. "Don't worry."

Jeanne seemed content with her words and allowed her to lead them out of the restroom. Horo and Lyserg joined them there, and Lyserg wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulders.

"Are you okay?" he asked gently.

She nodded in response, and he smiled at her.

"Hey, Anna," Horo greeted cheerfully.

"Horo," she replied.

He felt awkward standing in front of her suddenly but his frown softened when he saw Yoh approaching. The jacket of his tuxedo was open, along with the first few buttons of the white shirt he wore underneath. His tie was missing altogether, and Horo smiled in amusement at him when he stood beside Anna.

"He's going to be strong," he said cheerfully, pointing at Anna's stomach. "Just like his mother."

"Hi, Yoh," Lyserg said cheerfully. Jeanne didn't speak but smiled at him, and Horo mimicked her action.

"Hey, guys," he replied. "Did you listen?"

"Listen to...what?" Horo asked in confusion.

Yoh knelt down in front of Anna, resting his ear against her stomach and holding her hip with one of his hands. She looked away with slight discomfort but did not refuse him.

"You can hear him moving around in there," he said. "He'll definitely be a fighter."

Although Yoh's display was amusing, the entire exchange made Horo and Anna uncomfortable, and this was evident in their expressions. Lyserg and Jeanne didn't notice the tension, and Jeanne smiled at Yoh warmly as he began rubbing her stomach.

"I'm going to find my sister," Horo said abruptly as he exited the conversation and reentered the crowd.

Yoh stood beside Anna again when he left and held her hand.

"How are you, Anna?" he asked softly.

"I feel great," she replied. "The doctor said everything is fine."

"That's a relief."

They stared at each other silently for a few moments, and Lyserg watched them with a confused frown.

"You look beautiful," he continued as his gaze intensified.

"Thank you," she replied.

"Uh, excuse us for a moment," Lyserg said quickly and pulled his wife away.

"That was uncomfortable," Jeanne admitted once they were far enough away. "I thought they were here together."

"Maybe they came separately," he replied with concern.

"But aren't they married?" she frowned.

"Anna," Yoh said weakly, "I hope I didn't offend you."

"No, it was cute," she replied. "I hope he turns out to be as strong as you say."

He stared into her eyes once more and hesitated. There was so much he wanted to say but couldn't find the words in that moment. They had to settle for silence this time, and she didn't seem to mind. Time appeared to stand still in the moments they remained locked in this gaze, and as soon as he decided he needed to say something, he was quickly interrupted.

"I've been looking for you everywhere," he said with a relieved expression and wrapped his arm around the back of her waist.

Yoh watched as he leaned in to gently kiss her on the cheek and felt his blood slowly boil when he noticed her blush.

"I was in the restroom," she replied calmly and smiled.

"Hi, Yoh." He finally addressed him, and they maintained eye contact for several seconds before he responded.

"Hao."

This was all he could say. There were no other words he could push out of his mouth, and the need to walk away became eminently mixed with nausea.

"I see you've been keeping my wife busy," Hao replied with slight sarcasm. "Thank you."

Yoh stared at him without responding. His jumbled thoughts prevented anything coherent from escaping, and he couldn't stop his expression from souring into bitter disdain.

"I'll let you two talk," he continued chivalrously. "I know it's been a while."

"Thank you," Anna replied in a tone that almost resembled a whisper.

He placed a strong hand over her stomach and rubbed it gently; Yoh felt his body cringe when noticing the gold wedding band on his finger. Anna smiled warmly and allowed him to kiss her lovingly on the lips before tracing her neck with his fingertips and finally walking away.

She paused and stared at Yoh with apologetic eyes before deciding to speak.

"Yoh...I-"

"It's not necessary," he interrupted.

Anna nodded as sadness became apparent in her expression, and Yoh took a step forward.

"I'm glad you're happy." He forced the words out; it pained him to do so, and she noticed.

"Thank you," she replied softly.

"By the way," Yoh paused slightly to fight off approaching tears. "I've been thinking...you should name him Hana."

"I can't name him Hana," she frowned. "That would be..."

Her voice trailed off, but it seemed she didn't intend to finish the sentence anyway.

"I told everyone else, and they like it," he countered. "Hao wouldn't object."

She met his eyes again and sighed. "I'll consider it."

"That's all I can ask." He smiled at her briefly, but the expression quickly faded into something else.

Anna knew that expression. The deep longing and regret that filled his body was difficult to hide. She knew there was a hole in his heart that nothing could fill, and watching his eyes increased her sadness.

"We should find the bride and groom," he said as his voice faltered slightly.

She looked away from him, knowing he could no longer stop the reddening of his face or the tears that began rolling softly over his cheeks. He smiled at her and held her hand, and she held her stomach as he led her back into the crowd. At a clearing, they ran into their old friends. Lyserg and Jeanne were talking with Pirika and Ryu about the pregnancy. Faust was explaining to Manta why he was still single. Ren was listening intently to his father Yuan's advice, and Tamao was pleading for Mikihisa to release her, stating she couldn't breathe.

"Come on, Dad," Yoh called playfully. "You're going to suffocate her."

"My daughter is married now," he sighed in protest. "I have the right to be devastated."

"Yoh!" Tamao's cheerful smile returned when she finally wriggled free from his grasp, and as she approached, Yoh stared at her long gown with weak eyes.

She hugged him warmly and smiled at Anna, who rubbed her stomach a few times before smiling back. Yoh brushed her reddened cheek with his hand and kissed her on the forehead.

"I knew you would be a beautiful bride," he whispered softly.

"I'm glad you came, Yoh," she replied. "I'm so happy everyone is here."

She glanced over at Anna again and noticed Hao was now standing with her and running his fingers through her hair. Yoh noticed her slight frown and pulled her close again.

"I'm okay, Tamao," he assured her. "Don't worry about meaningless things on your wedding day."

"I'm glad," she said sadly.

"You can let go of my wife now," Ren demanded when he approached. "You had your chance and failed."

"Silly," Tamao replied as she released him, and Ren's frown quickly faded into a sheepish smile.

"I can't believe you're married now," Ryu added when he joined the group.

"Congratulations, Ren," Yoh cheered happily. "I won't forgive you if you ever make her cry."

"I plan to make her happy for the rest of my life," he replied and wrapped his arm around her. "You shouldn't worry."

Tamao couldn't stop herself from blushing feverishly and smiled at him warmly before kissing him gently on the lips. Pirika watched them from afar and folded her arms tightly over her chest.

"Hey Sis," Horo said eagerly when he joined her. "Let's go get drunk and throw rocks at people."

She considered his suggestion carefully before closing her eyes and exhaling. "Sure. Why not?"

"Cool!" He grabbed her arm and began roughly dragging her toward the exit. "Let's get out of here already!"

Yoh watched them flee and laughed lightly to himself. He considered the same action but was distracted when he began watching his friends. This was the first time he realized something significant. They were all finally happy. Tamao was no longer driven by blind obligation and guilt in her decision making. Ren was able to find his princess, although the path he created was filled with sharp obstacles. Ryu was the same as he had always been. Having a constant in the midst of change is always welcoming. Pirika found peace in Hokkaido with her brother. She knew he was the one man in the world that would never break her heart, and he knew she would always allow him to protect her. It was an arrangement that worked for the time being. Neither of them could complain.

He stared down at his open palms held out weakly, and they trembled when he curled them into fists. Yoh couldn't stop the nagging urge to stare at them. His brother captured all of his attention as he ran his fingers through the soft blond strands of her hair. As he kissed her delicately on the neck. As he whispered something endearing in her ear that made her giggle with amusement. As he lovingly rubbed her bulging stomach. The way he stared into her eyes with unequivocal surrender knowing he had fallen under her spell long ago and would never be rescued. And she returned this gaze with unwavering clarity.

He couldn't stand this any longer.

Anna noticed immediately when Yoh suddenly darted into the crowd but did not follow him. Hao told her long ago that she had every right to be happy and no one should make her feel guilty for it. She wasn't sure if she agreed with his assessment.

"He's fine," Hao whispered softly. "He can take care of himself."

When Yoh reached the exit he wearily rubbed his chest and neck with nervous hands, and his rapid breathing was difficult to control. He grabbed the wooden railing at the edge of the courtyard and tried desperately to calm himself.

"Yoh? Are you okay?"

He didn't notice Pirika had been standing there watching him. She stood beside him with eyes of great concern and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Where's Horo?" he replied weakly without looking at her.

"He's getting the car," she sighed.

Yoh leaned his arms against the railing and lowered his head. The cool wind feathered his hair with vigor, and he exhaled heavily before clasping his fingers together.

"I don't understand," Pirika whispered bitterly and released him. "I don't understand why you let her go."

"I didn't have a choice." His voice was frail, and he glanced at her briefly upon hearing an exaggerated groan.

"Yes you did," she countered. "You could have been happy and you blew it."

"She loves me," he sighed. "But, that wasn't enough."

Pirika frowned in disgust but didn't reply.

"Anna made this decision," he continued. "She's in love with him, and he makes her happy. He can give her the life she wants...the happiness she wants. I can't compete with that. So, I let her go. She needed my forgiveness to move on; I gave her that."

"Were things really supposed to end up this way?" she asked sadly. "Why can't you be happy? Why can't I be happy? It's not fair."

"You couldn't hold on to Ren just as much as I couldn't hold on to Anna," he sighed. "They're happy now, and we have to be happy for them. That's what friends do."

"So what do we do now?" she replied bitterly. "We pretend we're not miserable? You may be able to fake it, Yoh, but I can't. I feel like I'm suffocating."

Yoh stared at her worriedly and watched as her hands began to tremble.

"I can't stand it," she whimpered as the tears quickly developed. "I don't know why I came here. Knowing they're happy just makes me feel sick."

"We have to live our lives now," he responded wearily. "That's all we can do. Living in the past will just make all of these raw feelings worse."

Pirika held his hand abruptly with one of hers and wiped her wet face with the other. "I'm so sorry for being selfish. Losing Anna was devastating, and I shouldn't go on about something as trivial as Ren."

Yoh didn't respond and squeezed her hand.

"I thought you'd be together forever," she whispered and stared blankly ahead. "Things just don't make sense now. Everything feels wrong."

"Things change," he sighed. "People change. I guess that's life."

They heard footsteps of someone approaching behind them, but Yoh ignored it. Pirika turned around to see who was invading their privacy and slowly clenched her teeth.

"What are you doing here?" she asked bitterly.

"I want to talk to my brother," he replied calmly.

Yoh closed his eyes briefly and exhaled without turning around.

"He doesn't want to talk to you, Hao," she blurted angrily. "Why don't you-"

"It's fine, Pirika," Yoh interrupted her softly. "Can you give us a minute please?"

She glared at Hao once more before putting her arm around his shoulders. "Horo and I will wait if you want to leave."

"Okay," he replied and watched as she reluctantly walked away.

"You don't plan to date her, do you?" Hao said when she was no longer in sight. "That would be-"

"What is it, Hao?" Yoh asked weakly and leaned his back against the railing to face him.

"You have a dilemma," he sighed and took a few steps closer.

"What are you talking about?" Yoh frowned.

"Anna chose me," he replied plainly, "and you can't stand it. You thought if you were gracious she would want you back, but she needed to clear her conscience in order to be happy and guilt free."

Yoh mumbled something inaudible under his breath, but his brother continued without addressing it.

"You no longer have a rebound either," he sighed. "Ren has officially sealed that path. So, the two women you thought would always be around have now abandoned you."

"I didn't hear a point anywhere," he growled bitterly.

"Your sarcasm has increased with the resentment," Hao replied with amusement. "But yes, there is a point."

"Are you trying to rub this in my face?" Yoh added angrily. He couldn't control the emotion, and the heat filled his face.

"I wouldn't do that," he replied and paused. "Well...I would...but no, that's not the purpose of this conversation."

"Spit it out, Hao," he sighed. "What is it?"

"I want us to be real brothers," he said calmly.

"What?"

"If you had died long ago life would have been much easier," he continued. "But since you're still here, we should make the best of it."

Yoh rubbed his face vigorously in frustration then dropped his hands weakly at his sides. Hao remained silent and watched his agitated movements. He was serious, much to Yoh's disgust, and waited patiently for a response.

"Being your brother wasn't my choice," Yoh responded defiantly.

"You don't have to love me," he countered. "But, for Anna's sake you should be civil. She cares about you, and this is important to her. So it's important to me."

"That could create problems," Yoh sighed. "I would be around constantly."

"You're not a threat to my marriage," Hao added quickly. "Don't flatter yourself."

Yoh looked into his eyes briefly and noticed the subtle irritation he successfully hid. He wondered if accepting this was the mature thing to do, but he was sick of not listening to his instincts. Developing a relationship with his brother would keep him close to Anna, and he wasn't sure if that was healthy for any of them.

Of course, being close to Anna was probably what he desperately wanted.

"Fine," he mumbled weakly after several moments of hesitant silence.

"And...I'll help you regain your power." Hao seemed almost disgusted to make the statement, and Yoh stared at him with slightly widened eyes.

"Why?" he frowned.

"Because you have to fight when the tournament resumes," he responded. "I can't kill you if you're defenseless; Anna would never forgive me."

"But, what if I kill you instead?" Yoh asked with a smile. "Is it safe to help me?"

"You can try to kill me," he replied dismissively. "Once you're done flailing about, I'll put you out of your misery. It's that simple."

He walked away from him, and Yoh stepped forward to follow.

"By the way," he added without turning around, "Anna told me about the name."

"It's good, isn't it?" Yoh replied calmly.

"Naming a son after his uncle is probably normal in some cultures," he replied dryly. "I don't like the idea, but because she does I won't rip you apart."

"I guess I'll see you around then, Brother." Yoh's tone was greatly irritating, as was intended, and he couldn't stop himself from smiling.

Hao didn't respond and disappeared into the crowd. Yoh stopped short before entering the ballroom with an excited grin. He didn't understand this new feeling initially; he wanted to be bitter and resentful, but those emotions were quickly fading.

He wanted his power back. He wanted Anna back. Yoh wanted his life to be normal again. Anna loved him; he was certain of this. But for some reason he couldn't understand, she chose his brother. She married his brother. They were having a baby together soon. It made no sense to him, and unfortunately one thing stood out.

Anna would never leave Hao again. He would have to die.

"Come on, Yoh," Pirika called to him suddenly and disrupted his train of thought. "Let's get out of here."

No, that was useless daydreaming, wasn't it? His anger was controlled now. The problem was fixed. There was no need for revenge, and the only way he could justify killing his brother would be within the confines of the Shaman tournament. And, that would mean he would have to win.

Becoming the Shaman King would eliminate Hao, and Anna would realize her mistake. Hao was partially correct; life would be easier if _he_ were dead.

"Yoh." Pirika's voice startled him, and he realized quickly they were walking on a narrow sidewalk. "You seem distracted. What happened with Hao?"

If he was going to make this decision, there would be no turning back. He would permanently alter their lives.

"We're going to become real brothers," he replied warmly.

"What?" Pirika asked with a disgusted frown.

"Yeah," he continued. "It will be the greatest thing you've ever seen. Just wait and see."

**THE END**

* * *

_**Were you confused by this ending? Allow me to explain. (or attempt to explain at least) The meaning lies in the title. The Death of Reason focused initially on Anna's strange compulsion to stray. It also encompassed Yoh's unstable thoughts and feelings in the aftermath. But, Birth of Clarity refers to Anna's disposition; the ability to allow her emotions and intellect to blend, leading her to a controlled decision. Yoh's "problem" was never fixed, and this is something his friends seemed to ignore.**_

_**I hope you enjoyed the story, even if this is not what you expected. Please share any and all thoughts; I happen to take criticism very well.**_

_**Thank you for reading.**_

_**Pulchrite**_


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